fasting and prayers

AS I THREAD THE LAST MINUTE of my legwork for the week, I felt relief over me as weekend unveiled its pretty little sunshine this morning. Eventually, all my stress released like you would a natural gas waiting to come out (tee-hee!) for a very long time. I'd be Donald Duck soaking its cute little butt at the water fountain when Chip'n Dale set him on fire and laughed at him for a long time.
I've been pretty optimistic about the end results of everything that I would welcome even the bad news with open arms. I'm glad I got my anxiety and panic attacks under control for awhile now, otherwise I would have lost every inch of patience I hold in me right now. This is all because of my faith that life will be beautiful for me and for the people I love.
I pray fervently now, for everybody and what they do. I also wanted to do fasting and intense prayer right away, I don't wanna plan it on a long-term basis. I know it will make me feel good about myself and my faith in God. It will be a good 40 days of no meat,no rice and abstaining from the things I enjoy too much like the net,and my little posh things I spend on.
It's time to invest in a good,shiny soul. And my time is now...

not this time

AS I WRITE THIS, I'm reconnecting with all my friends. When you go through a difficult stage and a possible road block in your life, friends just get you up, aside from family. For no reason, I have tried to shut myself out from the funny, adventurous, and possibly experiences I could learn from. But now, I am ready to take it all in.
One of the things, that have, perhaps, stained my friendship with almost everybody was because of a certain someone who they were common friends with. But I've realized how much I missed just for this simple, silly reason.
I'm a very sociable person and just look at the mess I made just to get away from it all. i left behind a growing number of curious friends who just wondered why I had to go haiatus on them. But it won't happen anymore. not this time..my friends are all important versus one unimportant person who broke my heart

the diet mode

FOR A FOOD CRITIC like me, it's so hard to just decide on a diet come-when. It takes discipline, hardwork and mental agony to be in a diet phase but in the end, the results are favorable. So one of my best friends call me and announced that she was getting married this November and I'm part of the entourage (gasp!).
"Hunny, cherry red ang motif ko,ha?" she informed me chuckling. I gasp some more as red is such a tricky color to wear without me looking like a giant tomato. So here I am, saying my mental goodbyes to sweets, colored drinks, carbs and fat and hello to greens and mighty fiber. The good thing is that I have faith in myself in making it to the finish line. I take pride in not eating rice for a few months in exchange for multi-grains and granolas. When I'm in a diet mode, my brother feels so guilty that he joins me in eating healthy choices, too.
Mom, in her nutritionist-mode, has never been happy doubling her weekly supplies of fruits and vegetables and stocking them in the pantry. A mix of anxiety and excitement overwhelms me when I get to this program and I will embrace it with determination.As a ritual however, I will take one last happy meal of pizzas, tiramisu and fries to seal the deal. And after...Let the weigh-in begin!

half-hearted.

I HAVE THE BEST options possible. Go to Baguio, resume therapy for 3-6 months, enjoy my own computer,tweak Mama's laptop for fun, cuddle up with Theo anytime I want or stay in Manila doing what I want and get medical attention on my own. I just hate adjusting again, and did I mention hating the cold weather as well? My lip-biting moment as I think of everything I have to leave behind.

I'm just under a lot of stress and confusion that any tempting,colorful alcohol will not do. This is where a lush powder blue white-sand beach is helpful to my decision. I'm so confused. This is where I need J the most or Charles even. I value their opinions and I'm sure I'd get a whole lot of it. Today,I've never prayed so hard in my life, it's like leaving someone behind when there's no one to look back to.

a little piece of chocolate

Whenever my Aunt Fely would come home from London, she bought us boxes of chocolates wrapped in pretty gold and red tin cans. It came with a moist-proof leaflet with pictures of the little chocolates and its flavors. But being the most impatient person to wait on specially sweets, I took one pretty little shell-shaped chocolate and popped it in my mouth. I threw it up easily as I had popped it in, the syrup poured out hurriedly and I tasted a bit of rhum or was that cognac?

My mom always tell me to take my time and choose what I want in a lot of things. But I hardly listen to her. Sure, I can wait in line for a few hours til I could finally get my class cards for my college enrollment or sure I can wait for a few extra minutes til my favorite food is cooked to my liking but what she really meant was having to decide on my own without being hasty.

My bad decisions pulled an overwhelming mix of heartbreak, confusion, anticipation, hurt and grief. It even involved a lot of people that I dearly love including my parents. But that's what being an adult is for. I thought parents will always be responsible for all the faults I did. But one way or another, growing up has to take place in the most unexpected turn of events.

But now I know how the game is played. I have learned that taking things slow is as beautiful as enjoying life. One little piece of chocolate at a time :)