Jees...

"JEES! JEES!" my baby nephew Theo held out his pink little hands to the paper bag I brought for him. It was Saturday morning and I was tired from work. I brought a couple of pancakes, french fries and pineapple juice at a drive-thru and surprised my little man with breakfast together.

He sipped excitedly as the liquid reached his lips. "Jees! Jees!" he said repeatedly pointing to the juice cup in my hand. It was playtime and he gamely posed for pictures on my camera phone. He shook my arm gently to make the sign of the cross and I blinked twice to see if he just did what I thought he did. His hands slowly touched points of his shoulders crossing his chest and then I knew his was signalling us to pray before we eat.

How a little angel like him took me back to my faith or what's left of it. He reminded me, that, like him, I was once an angel, pure of thoughts and innocent of the world. I seemed to forget one thing--essential of my life and what I always believed in.

Theo tugged me to put ketchup on his fry and then held my face. It felt good being part of someone's life who thinks you're one of the best in his list and everything in between. I need to act that part by being a role model. A laughable wake-up call.

the anticipation of J

PERMISSION: J for borrowing your picture.

2008 had given me one of the most important people in my life --Jhonar.

J is the one of the best blessings the Lord had given me in two years. He is the one man who gave me so much to look forward to when I thought there was none. I had so many who claimed to be my best friend, but they were only after intrigues in my life, money and status. I guess everybody goes through all that, after they get burned on a proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back, a fresh start welcomes them anew.

To me, J is the light after the blackout, after the dozen of candles are lit, the house would look serene and almost romantic with the flickering candelight signalling the beauty of hope in my life. I relish the days of spontaneity, his laughter and his easy ways of making me laugh. Although I think he makes me laugh more. Everyday, I am just as amazed on how we would just talk hours on the phone, interrupting each other and never running out of things to say. How liberating to be with a person who lets you be, who sermons when you are wrong, who doesn't judge and listens when I am plain upset and dramatic about the world.

J has a heart of steel, predisposed to triumph to every situation but he is not necessarily spared the wounds that have afforded him the chance to do just that. There are not enought to words to weave the fabric of his life because to me, his stories are superhuman almost. He inspires me to be better because he grabs life by the horns and simply yet gracefully, lives it.

He is the rose, that no matter how beautiful, has its thorns. By listening to what his life had been, the sharpest recollections come with the most mundane of details, those seemingly insignificant things that, as it happens you think you will promptly forget. Time will eventually tell that you did not, will not, cannot. As such, the memory becomes more poignant, bruised even, and somewhat strangely, so much more to the one listening than the one narrating. J never had an attitude of great surrender, he still stood by strong against the will of a strong wind. He can stumble and fall but he will get up almost immediately, dust himself off then try again.

Whatever I deserved to have him in my life, I have anticipated and prayed for. Pray that you may find a best friend who is as loving, handsome and strong as J.

Kuya

I get excited to see family members who I've missed and have not seen personally for months! Mine was my brother Sid who came home from the holidays. Since my parents were drained out from running errands or what the day demanded, they retired early for bed and opted to just laze around the house. My brother W was hard to get out of the house as he just stays in bed, surfing the net and brains out his PSP.

We watched Shake, Rattle and Roll XI. He watched gamely with me since he knew I was fond of Ruffa Guiterrez lately. He kept laughing at the horror scenes while we pig out on waffles and barbecue-flavored fries. Then we headed to Kubo Grill in Legarda for dinner and dined in on Liempo, Barbecue and Bulalo, finishing off the night with French Vanilla coffees. I missed his opinions in life, his being persistent and who I would always remember as the most thoughtful person in our circle. He never failed to save my butt in my troubles and he taught me how to be as optimistic as I could ever be. Now his dream to be in Dubai this year is soon to unravel. I will miss him so. And the thought gets me teary-eyed. As I finished the last sip of my coffee I peeked into his room, he slowly hummed some old-school song while packing, he looked at me and made a funny face. I returned back my funny face too, thinking this was one of our own precious moments of the many we will have as we grow old..

why INDIFFERENCE is such a big word to some.

Anong petsa na?!! That's the expression I would often hear from a lot of people nowadays when some would procrastinate on things. Life - as busy as it gets - got in the way of certain things. I miss blogging for one. Family time have been an absolute blessing for a few weeks straight and of course the surprises I get from financial gains year-end.
The holidays are always a time for realization and wake-up calls. Mine is a big slap in the face, in the recurring episodes of my male best friend of six years. He got really mad (in his words: "more of pissed") for me not attending our best friend's wedding. Ben was there, excited and all to see me walking down in the aisle as part of the entourage, but when he saw not even a shadow of me, he got alarmingly worried and texted something like: "help me understand why you're not here". The drama ends where he saw my wall posts partying hard here in Baguio when I could have been at the wedding partying with him. We made pre-plans of having dinner, talking and going out after but it never materialized.
After a year and a half of not seeing each other, he just stopped. Stoppped being patient and being apologetic of the little things he do if I get short-fused on him. He felt he had to step on the gas somewhat and not really caring what I would think even if I got hurt in the process. We tried to patch things up but his was a harsh reminder of what could have been when we saw each other. Four months from now, the reunion of good friends from a former company will conceptualize and I'm just as excited. But seeing Ben? We were once fond and affectionate of each other's friendship that I doubt if he would make it just because I stood up on him one too many times. He makes it feel all these efforts are not enough. But I dont want to try my luck on the cards table again. The risk is bigger this time. I'm not willing to make apiece of it. Unresolved. Back and forth. Egos got in the way. Indifference..
This issue I am willing to procrastinate on.

subtle Saturday

SATURDAY MORNING greeted us happily as we exited the doors of the office. The smell of smoked sausages fanned through the air and we wondered where it came from. A few meters from where I was standing was the longest sausage links that stretch from the Convention Center to as far as my eyes could see. Guarding the links were students from a neighboring university wearing chef uniforms and toques. Last week was the biggest pizza the city could make, this time the longest sausage link in the history of Baguio. It made our mouths water. What gives? It's the city's Centennial,so they're celebrating it in any way possible.The night before, our boss invited us for her party in Green Valley for that morning. One of our friends, Joyce brought her van to bring us there and the first time I saw the van, it looked so old I was just waiting for it to collapse in pieces with the wheels rolling to the streets something out of a funny car commercial. We were halfway there when the van acted out and broke down somewhere in a place we weren't familiar with and where taxis are hardly passing by. We were all pissed because not only did our boss not pick us (her guests) up, we walked up a hill, lost and so hungry. My legs were shaking from too much walking and then, just when we thought a mirage appeared, a real taxi answered our prayers!
We were only too happy to be squished like tomatoes inside the cab and the driver snorted but his mood did not put our happy moods down. So I remembered that it was my cheat day today, so I had to choose what food to reward myself with. Grilled? Baked? or.. I know! I let the taxi drop me off at Central Park, the chinese restaurant that nestled sweetly in Legarda road, far away from the busy streets of the Longganisa Festival. A waiter greeted me warmly and had me seated at one of the big tables. I ordered a regular iced soda, and lechon macau rice topping, then just when I was dreaming of the calorie fest I was going to have, a dimsum cart wheezed its way to my direction. Piles of little bamboo steamers boast itself of pretty,mouthwatering steamed meats! I wanted the japanese siomai bamboo steamer(ground pork meat with onions, water chestnuts, turnips wrapped in nori) but I settled for the house specialty Central Park siomai which consists of the same japanese siomai but with ham and oodles of sweet jellyfish wrapped around the meat. It tasted heavenly when dipped in chili oil, soy sauce and calamansi! A few minutes later my order arrived in large serving, the crispy crown roast pork piled in a beautiful plate with pickled papaya and rice and liver dip on the side. I devoured it slowly and chewed it enjoyably as the crunch and flavors exploded in my mouth wishing that this happy feeling stays with me for the rest of the day. The fat, delectably delicious, had been too much, so I shoved the rest of it aside as I sipped the remaining soda in my glass and sighed. My eyes were a little tired from last night's work but my mood that was nearly spoiled by a funny, unfortunate event did not hinder me from enjoying a sinful cheat day. As I cap the meal, I was craving for ice cream from Jollibee. I hailed a cab and requested him to pass by the drive-thru for just one order- Ube Cheesy Magic (crushed ice with milk and sweet yam sprinkled with cheese), it was delightful to just eat a spoonful at a time during traffic on the way home.
Saturday is an easy day to lose moods only to get lifted up by simple pleasures such as these. Have a great weekend.

what simple things bring..

PEOPLE WHO KNOW me know that I’m always in for cheap thrills. I am never one for expensive stuff and feel comfortable about it for a long time. Gadgets for one, don’t appeal to me as make-up do. Well, of course make-up and a few other things like facial cream, soaps and massage oils need a bang-in-the-buck to truly pamper the skin which goes a long, long way. Physical investment, I would call it.
Anyway, I had a few expensive things that went pfft on me, like my phone which I had spent so much, only to realize that I couldn’t send and receive messages after the memory card acted out on the software. Two weeks in the service center and a few thousand pesos later, my phone’s memory was freshly showered and I had no interest whatsoever in keeping it anymore since all the sentimental value of its pictures, videos and messages from friends had no trace of kilo, mega or gigabyte on it. So I rebelled and got myself the most low-end phone I could ever find, the one with yellow light on it? Yeah, that one. And then when I started to love it, it found its way to someone who needs it most a.k.a. stolen.
Tomorrow, I will shop for my phone that Ive been crushing on since the day I saw it. And I will be reconnected to all my friends again without logging on the net, I hate that I spend so much time virtually other than get in touch with people, seeing them smile, hearing them laugh and get a warm hug.

Here are my 30 cheap thrills that I love to share with you

1. hugging,kissing my baby nephew Theo
2. looking forward to everyday that I will see my baby in Bahrain by next year
3. tweeting and catching up with tweets
4. buying an affordable Nokia 7210 Supernova
5. my Harry Potter collection books, Friends
6. a sturdy glass bookcase with all my favorite authors, magazines, DVD collection, books and a real photo album of family events
7. sweet and thoughtful messages on my phone
8. mama’s warm hands
9. an occasional regular iced soda
10. looking at the mirror and amazed at how beautiful I can be despite of being tired, stressed and sad
11. lightly salted French fries and hot caramel sundae from McDonalds
12. listening to 60s music with a good book to read on a Sunday mornings
13. cooking and hosting dinners
14. digital scrapbooking
15. chicken turbo Tuesday nights with my brother W
16.f amily get-togethers over funny videos and midnight snacks
17.Pares with J and friends
18. sweets, definitely
19. someone saying “I love you” to me for no particular reason
20. Cadburry chocolates!
21. people who don’t know me personally get to know me through my blogs and Twitter
22. reading the Lucy Torres-Gomez articles every Sunday
23. losing pounds without lifting a finger (and yes that happens to me luckily)
24. the liberating feeling that you could talk to someone you used to love and not bother making him a part of your daily routine
25. my very own book launch someday
26. the pure, innocent smile of a child
27. the tranquil, peaceful solace of a beach
28. a kiss that makes me melt like butter on a hot toast
29. people saying that they are enjoying their lives just as it should be
30. family..

waving the Travellers' Flag..

LATELY, I GET FASCINATED WITH THE WORLD. The cultures, food and even the smallest trivia I could come across if it’s a different country. In my line of work, I talk to Americans every second for 11 hours straight in a day. Then when I get home, I talk to my special someone who’s from the Middle East, although he talks in broken English, it made me realize that our conversations need special care specially how I say it and when. Arabs, in my understanding are like Americans, always straight to the point, never sugarcoating whatever needs to be said. Sometimes, I get hurt with the things he say if I’m at fault. But I learned that I’m too sensitive. With the way I was taught, I always mind people’s feelings; it has rubbed off to my being with him. Whenever we would chat, I’d always correct him with how words are spelled.
I had a hard time understanding him if the phrases involve a lot of difficult words to correct. The other day, he said “I have a lixes,” and when he suddenly said “Car”, then I understood that it was a “Lexus” that he was referring to. What I like about him was he’ll admit when he is wrong and he’ll even say “Can you please correct me?” We always talk about the Gulf Coast and how I would love the food, beautiful people and the places of the Oil Country. I’d love to explore it with him, that’s what beauty of travels are for, a companion appreciating the sights and sounds through your eyes.
I have a dream of traveling to Vietnam. My dad grew up there and I want to visit the place he had so lovingly called home during his teenage years. If I have the luxury of time, I would love to get lost in Hanoi riding my bike in the lazy afternoon and eating rice papers with chicken in coconut milk or roast pork accompanied with lemon and dipped slightly in rock salt as the Vietnamese would.
A said that Egypt is beautiful and he would love to travel with me there for the second time trekking the pyramids in Giza.
What’s a party without a Mardi Gras in Rio? My wild side needs unleashing at a rave like this but that is just a thought bubble
And what would my life be without Viva Espana? Beaches in Mallorca and chasing bulls in Barcelona are the places I would love to visit, the food boasting of its rich history, and cute matadors. I would love to dress up, a red rose in my tightly bun hair dancing the flamenco with the Senoritas.
Finally, Coron,Palawan, my dream destination, the underground river, the hidden lakes, batcaves and beautiful, warm people. The journey would not be complete if not to explore it in your home country. With this, my destination will come full circle..

where was Peter Pan?

AT THIRTY, you would think I'd be married, settled and fulfilled with family life. Like most of my friends my age, they are nearly sending off their kids to kindergarten or gradeschool. Mine was sidetracked or at least I thought so.
Flashback, thirteen years ago when my dreams were still made of bubblegum,sephoras and college parties, all I wanted was to get married with my first boyfriend, but things happened along the way and growing up from the pain was necessary. I was forced to deal with what I had and let go of the future plans that I dreamed of sweetly for two plus years.
The second was dealing with my siblings to work far from home. Where we were all close knit,this had proven somewhat hard for all of us. One by one, I found myself watching TV in a big living room with only a pizza box and cried watching a happy Oprah giving awaythings for Thanksgiving.
And then it was my turn to brave Manila on my own,it was scary to find a job, struggling with things that other co-workers are struggling with. The comfort of knowing that there are people who are just like me, finding myself in this big world. Eventually, I made friends, coffee dates, pep talks, team meetings, outings, promotion, falling in love, falling out of, getting busy and sooner or later, I found myself really really growing up and accepting all the things good and bad in my life. The change looked good on me and my outlook in life. I wasn't stuck in one place anymore, all because I have accepted that I'm not a child and I had chosen to spread my wings.
Beyond the norms of having a family at this day and age, single women like me, are frowned upon because they thought we were just having too much time and this part right here, is thought to be a childish thing. But I chose to grow this way, love and family will come eventually and I'm not worried one slight bit about it. I'm not going to refuse to grow old and have laugh lines or worry that my face will turn into a wrinkled bread. Because those beautiful lines represent a history of what I have been, the struggles, pains and victories I have lovingly welcome in my life. Peter Pan can just go back to Neverland without me...

scatter-brained.

MY MIND IS RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE TODAY. Of all the days that I had to wake up with worry, it had to be Monday! I still couldn’t get over it. I dreamed that I was so big and I had to fit into a size 4 dress in a week for my best friend’s wedding. It can be a shallow of a dream, but it felt so excruciatingly depressing several hours after I woke up. I’m just so pressed with a November 30 wedding date on top of my head. I’ve been writing in dawdles all over my organizer. And I’m so upset with myself that I have cancelled out appointments because I lagged too much. Silly me.
Secondly, I was talking to my mom and she wanted me to go to Canada to work when my heart is set on Bahrain. She personally didn’t like Gulf countries, W was offered a job in Saudi and Cai, a job in Qatar, both my parents took special pains just to talk them out of it.
Then there were bills to pay past the deadline, I didn’t know that this week had a minus-two holidays which I had to pay penalty later on. Then our house help kept reminding me everyday I had to buy a phone replacing the lost one.
While he had sweetly tinker his new touch phone bragging it in front of me, I really can’t live without a phone. There’s just so much correspondence to catch up on.
Then there’s budgeting. There’s not enough money to go around with even if you think you have heaps of them. They just flow like water in and out of your hands. I need to stop buying unnecessary stuff so I could commission one-time wear gowns, shoes and bags to go with it. Manila will be just as expensive meeting up with friends while I’m there. I keep reminding myself to go slow on this. I get panic attacks if I think of a million things and not getting anything done. I’ll make things happen and stop canceling out what needs to be done.

my Arabian Knight part 2

AFTER 2 WEEKS OF TORTURE, I have missed A so much it made me cry. It was just last night that I finally took the courage of talking to him. Just like any other couple making up, we start with small talk. I asked him about Ramadan and how fasting went for him. And reconciled naturally.
Then we talked about our plans, of me working in Bahrain while he was three hours away from me. He didn’t want me to come to his home country – Saudi, because there were stricter laws and couples cannot date publicly. Bahrain, he mentioned, was a free country and accepted bi-cultural relationships like ours. It would be easier for him to visit and he’d take me to the beautiful Gulf coast for tours and picnics and romantic walks under the moonlight. My fascination with their culture had developed through the weeks, I have been studying and researching Arab laws, Gulf coast countries, culture and beliefs on the internet. To me, it is important as my love for him.
“I hope you will be a Muslim, too.” It was that line that stumped me out of my dream. Suddenly, I panicked! Our family grew up in the most conservative beliefs of Catholicism, enjoying festivities that would include roast pigs, drinking wine and some few things that a Muslim is forbidden to do. It would break my family’s hearts if they knew I would convert. But would I really? That’ll be one of the major roadblocks in my life.
I am targeting the first quarter of 2010 to be getting work in Bahrain and maybe decide from there. Everyday, this thought, this simple yet complicated thought of working it out with a foreigner-boyfriend has become a staple of breeding questions in my head like religion, language, mood, beliefs and traditions. How do Filipinas with foreigner husbands and boyfriends made it through their respective relationships? Did they really compromise without sacrifice? Do I love A enough to leave my family behind? No amount of advice, argument and opinions will suffice the ultimate decision that I will have to deal with later on. And it will come soon.

re-blogged

I saw this on my sister's blog, thought you might like it as I have grown fondly of it, Chicken-Soup-for-the-Soul style...

Once there was a blind man who always stays in front of the church. He stayed there and begged everyday of his life. He had a hat placed in front and had a sign beside him that says, "I AM BLIND, PLEASE HELP ME."
One day, a man passed by and noticed the blind man's plight. He changed the sign that was beside the blind man and threw in some coins, then left.
After a while, the kind man wondered how the blind man was doing. He decided to return to where the blind man was. He noticed that the hat was filled to the brim.
Noticing the familiar steps of the kind man, the blind man asked, "Excuse me sir, were you the one who changed my sign a while ago?". "May I know what you wrote?"
"You want to know what I wrote? It says, IT IS A BEAUTIFUL WORLD, & I CAN'T SEE IT."

what Sundays bring

GROWING UP, I NEVER LIKED SUNDAYS, because it was a start of a gruesome study week on early busy mondays and sometimes the feeling makes me throw up or just the thought of it makes me sick. I keep forgetting what it was for. Families, of course.
After Sunday mass, all six of us wouldhead to Giorgio's for pizzas then head to Lola's house for a grand lunch of bulalo, inihaw na liempo,kare-kare and some Pangasinanse dishes that I'm still unfamiliar with to this day. After lunch, the uncles and aunts would gather in a bench to catch up with stories of their own. We'd play tag for a couple of hours or board games til 6 pm and we would be so sleepy that we'd wake up finding ourselves carried by Daddy from the car to our beds.
Ever since I work night shifts during the weekdays, that was the only time I appreciate Sundays. If you noticed this is the only day that seems to drag by lazily and it allows you to take all the time you want.
I love how God balances everything in our lives. To some of us, we do not realize it til we reach a certain age. To most, a thankful prayer that this day had come for rest and getting to touch our centers which are family, friends and self.
I will make everyday Sunday, to never forget that this isn't about work all the time, but the importance that life teaches us to be a family to one another...

fasting and prayers

AS I THREAD THE LAST MINUTE of my legwork for the week, I felt relief over me as weekend unveiled its pretty little sunshine this morning. Eventually, all my stress released like you would a natural gas waiting to come out (tee-hee!) for a very long time. I'd be Donald Duck soaking its cute little butt at the water fountain when Chip'n Dale set him on fire and laughed at him for a long time.
I've been pretty optimistic about the end results of everything that I would welcome even the bad news with open arms. I'm glad I got my anxiety and panic attacks under control for awhile now, otherwise I would have lost every inch of patience I hold in me right now. This is all because of my faith that life will be beautiful for me and for the people I love.
I pray fervently now, for everybody and what they do. I also wanted to do fasting and intense prayer right away, I don't wanna plan it on a long-term basis. I know it will make me feel good about myself and my faith in God. It will be a good 40 days of no meat,no rice and abstaining from the things I enjoy too much like the net,and my little posh things I spend on.
It's time to invest in a good,shiny soul. And my time is now...

drained

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT IS. When I get really drained from thinking and from hurting, I shake so bad, it takes a couple of minutes before my breathing is in its steady pace. The last time I experienced this was working 16 hours straight without even pausing or taking a breather. The whole thing got me scared, my body shook like it would when you would laugh so hard from a funny joke.
This is the most emotional draining week i have ever gone through. 5 ex-boyfriends trying to win your affection and my current boyfriend who had officially turned into a has-been since last night. We were always fighting and he kept provoking me to get mad. But last night, I gave up, just like that. No begging. No pleading. Just a quiet "Yes, I wanna break up with you" and walked away. Of course I cried. I cried because of the release I felt from anger and from being very very weary of all the fights. And just this morning, he IM'ed me for some more war. But I breathed deeply, shut my messenger and erased all the messages he sent over the wee hours of the morning. So, I pulled the ring from my finger and kept it in my jewelry box, everything felt light after that.
I am tired,so tired of trying to be someone's spotlight,emotional punching bag and someone's free time. I just wanna space out. For myself and for the sake of sanity, I don't need them right now, not this time.

i heart Saturdays

IT'S ALWAYS THE BEST day for everybody to unwind,do their own stuff,and getting in touch with their centers.

Growing up, my Saturdays were filled with household chores in the early morning , then a little snack to reward us with a job well done. Our tiny little heads would crowd the big,round mahogany table as we tiptoed excitedly as Mama handed out our ice cream cones. After finishing up with seconds and even third helpings, we'd run by the farm and catch dragonflies, climb trees and play hide-and-seek til one of us would get hurt or if the househelp would call out to lunch.

Those memories amuse me to this very day. My saturdays now are filled with quiet mornings, tinkering on my laptop with soft music, good food to cook, some errands to finish then hang out and have coffee with friends.

Gone are the days when I'd come home drunk and sleep til Sunday night just to crawl back to bed and waste it through Monday afternoons. It's a waste really. But when you grow up, you realize life is so short.You just want to spend it with people you care for, make memories with them and look back at those kinds of things as time goes...

PATIENCE

This had been a constant practice when I was still studying. Waiting from 5am to 2pm at Saint Louis University so that I could get good scheduled classes for the next semester only to find out that those subjects were dissolved and my enrolment would go below half-time status.
Then there 's that favorite magazine I wanted to buy years ago and I just miscalculated a step when suddenly someone else grabbed it before me. I always remind myself that maybe I should have taken that chance,seizing is good but thinking why it happened and why that good, spontaneous thing wasn't meant for me is even for better. Even if it irritates some of my friends, I take my time to do everything, it sharpens me to think fast. Im proud of myself that I always do,though.
I guess the biggest thing is to be patient where my life is right now. While everybody my age have families and seem to know where they're going, I feel, most of the time I am left out of that cycle. But when impatience hits me, I always hug optimism as my security blanket. I know that our lives are uniquely patterned to where it will lead us to. Maybe mine, in a road less traveled to something I will learn from one day. I'm always patient with what comes, because I know it will always reap great rewards...

FORGIVENESS

LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE, this is the one that's hard to master. Admittedly, for those who wronged me but is not asking to be forgiven will really make my temper skyrocket. But eventually, I have learned not to ask for anything. I've accepted that there are people who will realize it soon enough, or not at all.
I've been a sensitive person specially to my boyfriends of the past who have been sweethearts to put up with me. When they cheat, you forgive. When they lie, you forgive. How can I not give them that ounce of acceptance when apologizing? In one way or another, I've done bad things to other people the same way that they did to me.
I'm human to be hurt and pained in so many ways against my principles, beliefs and personal rules but I also believe in starting anew with somebody and starting with a clean slate.
It's just a waste of time to be mad at someone when you can have hold on to happier times. I just closed my eyes for a minute there, thinking of who to forgive and who to ask forgiveness to. I have a list of them, and I will not wait til Christmas for this wonderful moment to happen.

LOVE

MY FIRST ENTRY FOR MY BIRTHDAY MONTH. 12 days from today, I will turn thirty. And everyday, I will post one virtue that I will live by for the rest of my life. 12 virtues that my life will build from hereon.
Today's virtue is LOVE. I have a lot of this. But at one point in my life, I selfishly hid it from my public. From my friends and even my family. If I am hurt, the overflowing love just consumes me til I can give no more. I will never know what I missed not giving out, but it will take a lifetime to makeup for it.
I will never deprive love to anybody who asks for it. my heart will be strong and I keep praying that in time this weakest muscle of my body will be strongest til I breathe my last.

not this time

AS I WRITE THIS, I'm reconnecting with all my friends. When you go through a difficult stage and a possible road block in your life, friends just get you up, aside from family. For no reason, I have tried to shut myself out from the funny, adventurous, and possibly experiences I could learn from. But now, I am ready to take it all in.
One of the things, that have, perhaps, stained my friendship with almost everybody was because of a certain someone who they were common friends with. But I've realized how much I missed just for this simple, silly reason.
I'm a very sociable person and just look at the mess I made just to get away from it all. i left behind a growing number of curious friends who just wondered why I had to go haiatus on them. But it won't happen anymore. not this time..my friends are all important versus one unimportant person who broke my heart

a pre-travel thought

I HATE PACKING. Absolutely hate it! I'm the only one in my family who packs sloppily, throwing things in the luggage the last minute with no organization. For CeeCee and the rest of my sisters and brothers, I see how packing is an art for them. They could tuck everything in neat rolls of clothes and still get to zip their luggages in a clean finish. I'd like to think I'm the only abnormal, left-out family member who couldn't be as finesse as the rest of them.

San Diego will be a welcoming change from this unforgiving weather. And like any traveller, people don't pack weeks before, we pack the last minute, that's the beauty of it, I know if my mother reads this entry, she'll shake her head disapprovingly. The thing is Daddy's not getting any better since last night,if his temperature blows, the trip will be moved a few days til he gets well. Hopefully, everything will be okay as days progress, I'm getting restless with watching the rain so much, I want to try airsoft, pottery classes, flamenco down Pebble Beach and order a yummy chili dog at Pink's. One more week..