random thoughts.

I never got used to a work schedule of 4-day by 11-hour work week since last year. I got this schedule again this week when I'm used to an 8pm-5am-weekends off. My boss told me that it was a dry run and if I liked it, I can keep the schedule, else I retain the old one. My house is located at the outskirts of the city, it would be a welcoming change to run errands by myself since most of the establishments open around 8am, I can have coffee with friends and eat crunchy waffles with warm maple syrup at the diner if I want. When Thursday comes by, I dont need to worry about work at all. I can do my personal affairs without the thought of work come nightfall. My room still needs a few stuff for redecoration. I've always had a knack for clean, clutter-free and bare, almost minimalist design in my room. If I had my way, I would have turned the whole house upside down and cleared it empty to a fault. I only have my table, TV and a bed, if my room was small, it would look like one of those rooms in prison. Only it had light green curtains, pastel colored-walls and crystal accessories. I have a closet full of brand-new clothes, shoes and bags that I intend to use soon. My mom hates that I use the things that worn snug over and over. And my room has a weird smell, meaning it smelled like candy, musk and cedarwood or perhaps, cherry wood. I've been trying for the longest time to make it smell..well, like clean soap. There's that doorknob that I have to have Kuya Marshan, the handyman, fix. My brother bought the hard to open knobs a few months ago, and opening my room had been a challenge since my grip is very soft even buttoning a shirt can prove difficult that's why my year-old niece, Amber can put me to crying shame if it were a contest. I've cut down mostly on my rice intake and most carbs since steroids can be a killer. I've lost weight and I got my glow back. My brother W told me that I cant lose focus and make this condition the center of attention if I wanna try to live normally. Eight months in this condition and I can work around it. I cant cure, however, being a light-sleeper. Getting 8 hours of sleep and beyond is impossible. Unless I'm intoxicated, which is a no-no, or if I cried nonstop, which hasn't been in awhile. I take short naps or rest if needed. I am still looking for a few things that's not in the city like Purefoods Luncheon Meat , Kraft String Cheese and Vanilla Pudding Snack Packs. I hope when I get to Manila I could find these in Landmark at Trinoma. When I crave for something really strong, I dont stop at anything. I wish I had the same knack for getting better. It's just a lot of getting used to. Maybe soon.

25 reasons why He's dear.

25. He laughs at my jokes, be it corny, weird or just plain silly

24. He shares the same love of food as I do. From going to a hole-in-the wall carinderia to buffets like Spiral at Sofitel

23. He's patient if I'm three hours late (and this happened twice) and never makes me apologize for it

22. He remembers my favorite things like pansit or unripe mango

21.He can make me laugh when I'm sad, upset or bored

20. He makes me stop crying by threatening to unzip his pants if I continue crying

19. He takes me by surprise by complimenting how I look every now and then

18. He listens to my advice

17. He doesn't pursue the girls I don't like

16. His mother is precious to me

15. He makes me appreciate how a girl looks

14. He smells like soap

13. I like Paul Smith on him

12. He can pull off a pink tee without looking nuts

11. He MADE me feel important

10. He can make me upset and happy in one minute

9. His hand is warmer than mine

8. He tells the nastiest, funniest jokes and he can impersonate anyone

7.His hugs fit mine to a T

6.He always speak his mind

5. He's an honest, simple guy. Child-like on the outside, a really wonderful man on the inside

4. He realizes things..only after a long time but nevertheless, compensates.

3.He taught me how to be subtle in everything

2.He gets soft when he's appreciated for the things he've done.

1.He's the best hope I've ever had...

How to Deal

So.. I finished remodelling my room. Really spacious with my big-ass tv, books, a really nice comfy new bed and with a big window that has view of the mountains. Priceless. I could order in, ask the househelp to buy me food from any restaurants, have them run errands if I want to and just stay still. ONLY. I dont like "still". I like where the stress and pressure dwell. I like that my mind race for answers and after that I love to do some more thinking and beating paperwork deadlines. If sleep wasn't a necessity, I'd be running around the place like crazy. I keep hearing my mom say to just relax and not do anything and I overheard her the other day requesting the househelp to never knock on my door if they needed something because I'd wake up with just a noise of a pin drop. Embarrassing as it may seem, my parents got me a cute,little bell that I could ring so if I needed anything, they and the whole house would wake up and be in my room in a second.My then busy life all washed out and replaced with where everybody expect me to be. Home. Resting. I tried yelling and screaming because i was upset that things are worsening by the week but that only took the wind out of me. in my condition, i cant talk too much,I cant smile, I cant even yell or be angry at anything or anyone, my body goes into immediate shock. How do you deal? Im still learning the ropes.