How to Deal

So.. I finished remodelling my room. Really spacious with my big-ass tv, books, a really nice comfy new bed and with a big window that has view of the mountains. Priceless. I could order in, ask the househelp to buy me food from any restaurants, have them run errands if I want to and just stay still. ONLY. I dont like "still". I like where the stress and pressure dwell. I like that my mind race for answers and after that I love to do some more thinking and beating paperwork deadlines. If sleep wasn't a necessity, I'd be running around the place like crazy. I keep hearing my mom say to just relax and not do anything and I overheard her the other day requesting the househelp to never knock on my door if they needed something because I'd wake up with just a noise of a pin drop. Embarrassing as it may seem, my parents got me a cute,little bell that I could ring so if I needed anything, they and the whole house would wake up and be in my room in a second.My then busy life all washed out and replaced with where everybody expect me to be. Home. Resting. I tried yelling and screaming because i was upset that things are worsening by the week but that only took the wind out of me. in my condition, i cant talk too much,I cant smile, I cant even yell or be angry at anything or anyone, my body goes into immediate shock. How do you deal? Im still learning the ropes.