not this time

AS I WRITE THIS, I'm reconnecting with all my friends. When you go through a difficult stage and a possible road block in your life, friends just get you up, aside from family. For no reason, I have tried to shut myself out from the funny, adventurous, and possibly experiences I could learn from. But now, I am ready to take it all in.
One of the things, that have, perhaps, stained my friendship with almost everybody was because of a certain someone who they were common friends with. But I've realized how much I missed just for this simple, silly reason.
I'm a very sociable person and just look at the mess I made just to get away from it all. i left behind a growing number of curious friends who just wondered why I had to go haiatus on them. But it won't happen anymore. not this time..my friends are all important versus one unimportant person who broke my heart

a pre-travel thought

I HATE PACKING. Absolutely hate it! I'm the only one in my family who packs sloppily, throwing things in the luggage the last minute with no organization. For CeeCee and the rest of my sisters and brothers, I see how packing is an art for them. They could tuck everything in neat rolls of clothes and still get to zip their luggages in a clean finish. I'd like to think I'm the only abnormal, left-out family member who couldn't be as finesse as the rest of them.

San Diego will be a welcoming change from this unforgiving weather. And like any traveller, people don't pack weeks before, we pack the last minute, that's the beauty of it, I know if my mother reads this entry, she'll shake her head disapprovingly. The thing is Daddy's not getting any better since last night,if his temperature blows, the trip will be moved a few days til he gets well. Hopefully, everything will be okay as days progress, I'm getting restless with watching the rain so much, I want to try airsoft, pottery classes, flamenco down Pebble Beach and order a yummy chili dog at Pink's. One more week..

the flu outbreak

IT KILLS ME that all I did for the entire week was rest due to my "unlabeled" flu, thankfully it wasn't the glamorous and most celebrated A(H1N1) virus. The rain had been going at it for weeks now, making everybody susceptible to flu. Suspended classes from the different schools around the city were in place. I hope this will stop as it compromises everybody's health and well-being.
I hope the rainy days will all be behind us, this flu is getting rdiculous by the number

fixing what's broke

I HAD A LITTLE Carousel toy that my brother broke when we were kids. It was brand new and I only played it once or twice when I took it out of the pretty little orange package. When something distracted me for a minute there, my brother instantly took it out of my little hands and tripped while he was running away from me. The little Carousel broke and its little winding button at the back didn't budge when I forced it to function. Instead of crying, I took out a screwdriver and unscrew the nails and broke it down to pieces further. After much deliberation and amazement from my mother, I had the toy run again but not as efficient as before.

That memory re-surfaced again when a good friend of mine had finally decided to talk to me, we have said our apologies and are trying to mend the pieces in the process. It will be a long haul, but we have a lifetime to mend it. For friendships that are worth keeping such as this, the effort of saving will be a work-in-progress. I meant to keep her in my life simply because she is part of who I am today and the memories of the past are worth remembering. Even the painful ones are worth keeping and etched as beautiful, the way they're supposed to be. i agree with some people who says that keeping a list of friends isn't a numbers game. They will be the ones who will stay and tell you what you need to know instead of gossiping your flaws to the world. There are just so many things to keep track of. And a life that is deemed too short for all of us needs nothing short of a miracle.

my Arabian Knight

I GET BORED with long weekends. But Fourth of July seems to agree with the beautiful sunny weather except with me. My throat itched real bad last Thursday and cough began to surface which I hated first of all. Then fever struck a few hours before Cher's arrival. I popped a few paracetamols hoping I'd feel better.

Cher got really impatient and was bitching on the fact that I was arriving late again. She shivered in the cold as I hugged her. When we checked her in at the hotel. This really hot guy was standing beside me and smiled at me immediately. Oh my! He is so handsome! I had never seen such beautiful charcoal-black eyes! I mean, yeah, mine was black with coffee-brown rims on the irises, but his was...darn it! I'm so mesmerized. And his smile, crooked, lopsided, a little cocky. Handsome in its entirety. I was certain he's a foreigner. "Arab," he said in a Mid-Eastern accent. I shook my head several times and try to take out any sense of what I really wanted in a guy. I wasn't attracted easily to guys with accents, decents, bloodlines,furs, I am very picky as I am with food. But that's the spice,isn't it? How can you put labels to people without knowing who they really are? It's not like it's their fault they look the way they should.
But I've been over that a couple of times. I see no problem.
So getting back to the story we surprisingly found ourselves on the couch starting fun conversation like we knew each other for a long time. He was leaving for Manila the day after and join his buddies for a football match. He easily opened up to me about his life (and how he is so much single!) and he was just staying in his room for the night with nothing to do. So without even thinking, I invited him to join us for dinner.
Dinner was, expectantly, fun, at least for me and Abe. Cher was in her own world loving the town for the first time and not minding us, although, she kept pinching me to invite a few male friends of my own to keep her company. We headed to Gilligans for a few after-dinner drinks and he shyly said he was beginning to like me, but the Maria Clara in me said it was too fast to even flirt a little with a prince who would not return for sometime. So I did what every woman do..be an "all-tease, no-tickle" for the first meet.
The perfect gentleman that he was, he opened doors, foots the bill, takes me home (of course, with Cher around), he also spoke in broken but fluent English, so everything turned out really amazing that evening.
The next day, we all had breakfast and headed down the stables, gazebo, and the bakeshop, then at Starbucks located at one of the quaint,little cottages at John Hay. We all had a good time and some kilig moments that me and Abe shared. (In which I will only document in my personal diary,dear readers)
When it was time to part, he handed me a little powder blue box and told me he'll come back and marry me. I laughed, of course and handed him back the box, but he would not accept it. So I threw it inside my bag and told him that if he comes and visit again, I'll tour him around the city, avoiding the subject I was a little uncomfortable of.
He looked at me deeply and said he'll come back to marry the person he had been waiting for a long, long time. Awww, for me all I thought of was, he was just being sweet and maybe meeting a wonderful girl like me breaks him because he was pressed for time. We promised we would keep in touch and that I would visit his country soon so as he bid goodbye, I think I heard my heart break a little, could it be, that I liked him, too? I took out a fortune cookie out of my pocket, one where I didn't get to break and share thoughts with that morning..it read: "Don't let this moment pass you by.", how timely.
That night I slept so deeply that I forgot about the little box Abe gave me. So when I had to drink a glass of water in the middle of the night, I took out the blue box out of its paper bag, curious of its content. And there it was, sitting in an aquamarine cushion! A shiny platinum ring encrusted with diamonds all around the rim, inside the ring was a neat engraved word spelled CARTIER. Oh my! A Cartier! How could he possibly give something so ridiculously expensive to someone he just knew?! Maybe he was serious about his plans. But what am I afraid of? If I already started liking him from the first day I met him? I toyed with the ring but I didn't have the courage to wear it on my finger just..yet.
Mental note to self: send him an email. No. Scratch that. IM him when he lands. This calls for a serious talk. I just think everything should start from simple, uncomplicated things. Maybe when things progress as time goes, we'll take it from there.

I am, after all, worthy of a Cartier...and more.

my random thoughts..post-hibernation

Wow! Has it been that long that I was in hibernation mode? After endless packets of green tea, breakfast salads and loving the colorless liquid we all like calling water, I see dramatic changes in my goal and I'm loving it! The downside of it is that my body can keep a 48-hour cycle without rest, like it always wants to stay active and when my body goes downtime, it can only take 4 hours of sleep and then I'm that energizer bunny again.
And just when I'm about to wave the white flag to being sick, the longtime-planned trip of Cher to Baguio will happen this weeked. How will I call it off when she's rode the bus already? Maybe I should be a good friend and pick her up at the terminal tonight then pop a couple of aspirins on our way to the bar.
My friend Tina has posted a shoutout on her wall just to find me, I think it's embarrassing (chuckle,chuckle) to put out a search party for me like that
I feel that I'm not doing enough to make what I want, work. I guess I just have to keep trying. I wish Ben was here. It feels empty not having him around. Sometimes, I just want to call him so that hearing his voice will make me feel okay. But I don't need him to make me feel okay, I need to be secure about myself and the day I had let him go was the day I knew I was on my own. Whoah! Psh! Drama! I'll just push that thought at the back of my head and keep singing Miley Cyrus's song The Climb.
But you know, I tell myself this: it's okay to fail, it's okay to think of things and people we need but eventually, we just need ourselves to pull through at the end of the day.