for Mom and Dad

Dear Mama and Daddy,

I finally decided to take courage and write you a letter. Or at least blog one for you. But dont get your hopes up, as this will be the last of all the few ones I've written. I would rather show you all of the things I am,like the little girl you once knew, always malambing and making sure you have everything that you need from the moment you wake up, til the day you come home from work. I decided to write because...I feel my sickness is progressing. From the last three months that I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis, the symptoms are coming in strongly and too fast for me to cope. I researched on all the materials I could find regarding this disease and I fear that all of it being said, I am a walking testament to it. Today, I am struggling to type this one letter and yet, I am in pain, I cannot read clearly anymore..

Let me start by saying I'M SORRY for being a rebel daughter. For making you cry and that made you think that you didn't raise me well compared to my brothers and sisters, but you did. You did raise me wonderfully as any parent could, it was my careless decision that lead me into trouble neck-deep but THANK YOU...for making the conscious effort to never give up on what I was going through as a teen, and as an adult. That even during those times surrender can be so calming, you have been embracing my flaws all at the same time, many many times over.

Mama, I love you. I love you for putting a happy face that everything will be okay after this. For bringing me closer to God ever since I can remember. You always say that God will never forsake us, I believe in that so much. I thank God for you,for being my angel. I am beautiful in God's grace because you and Dad made me feel that way.

Daddy, I'm scared. I'm scared to lose my eyesight, the feeling of inability to touch and the feeling of not waking up another day. I had recurring dreams of us, in the dark,musky part of the forest and I keep calling you but gently you would take my hand warmly into yours and with a big voice, you'd say " Nothing's going to harm you,sweetheart. I am here" You are my breath of fresh air, Daddy.

Someday, my body will give up and shut down without me knowing, I will be at loss for words, I will not be able do anything at all. But this is one for the bucket list. I will do my best to memorize every line,every frown, every happy little thing that makes joy all the craze for both of you..

I love you Mama and Daddy, I promise I will make you happy for all I can give and all the strength I can muster. I thank God that I met the best people in my life, you have been and will always be amazing. Don't ever be sad for me, no matter what happens, I will be okay, everything will be...