to the boy who broke my heart.

To try to take four years of my life –- step back, examine it, condense it, try to make you understand how I felt, how much you and I were as one seems almost disrespectful. It reminds me of how a blind person would feel when someone tries to explain to them the concept of colors.It's out of your league. You will never know. But for the sake of everything, I will try.

Four years... you used to say. Yeah, four years. I keep telling myself that. At this point in my life, I would say, it was a waste (sans the bitterness). Instead of seeing myself grow maturely, I had let you grow selfishly, thinking YOU were the only person who mattered and not me. Our friendship had seen neither black nor white but always shades of gray. I will not go through the hard times we had, for it will only dampen what's left of us.
I will however, look back at what you made me today and what I will never be for you. I didn't know how alive I can be, that I am capable of knowing the best. I am still looking into forgiving myself on why I ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN instead of linger on what used to be. I left you because I didn't know who I was anymore. I gave and you took and you keep taking.

This toxic twisted thing between us is so over and this game is getting old. Deep in my heart, I know I will NOT come back to you, as I'm dealing with my own personal pains filtering what's worth fighting for. If we change for the better or for the worse, only time will tell. But I also believe that things will get better through time between the both of us.

Thank you for breaking my heart then, as I am breaking your heart now.
by this time, you got this all figured out.

Finally, it's balls on my court...