a sun-kissed weekend

MY SUNBURN hurts really bad for the 2-day family outing. Last weekend, we planned on taking my nephew Theo on his first fun-in-the-sun experience. So last Sarturday, I packed my essentials and we drove an hour to a private resort in Bauang, La Union. It felt good to kick off our shoes and step into the white sand. Some caretakers were there to take our stuff and loaded it to a large blue-striped gazebo which was near a boat. Nobody within a mile radius was there, the beach was ours even if we ran naked along the shore line. We had our house help buy fresh tilapia down the market while Yaya Remy started on heating up the grill. The liempo was soaked in reddish brown liquid which might be a mix of ketchup and soy sauce and some secret ingredients Yaya doesn’t want to reveal. My sister made sure the bottled drinks were cold as she reached for the ice chest. I was in-charge of the easiest task that day – to babysit Theo. I love how babies smell! Like baby powder and milk, he keeps tugging my hair endlessly and jumps like a frog in my lap. It was a sweet excuse not to unload anything, or prepare the table for lunch. The wind blew softly and the waves curled and crashed leaving a foamy white surface against the shore. Theo’s eyes marveled in excitement as he jumped and screamed, his eyes drooped constantly because the sound of the waves was an inviting lullaby. We took him to the shore and let him play, but as the minutes pass, the waves were getting a bit violent and the wind blew painfully. It scared him so much he cried on the second attempt as his father dipped him at waist-level. So they packed the blanket at the umbrella and headed to the gazebo while the grown-ups were left to swim while waiting for lunch to be announced. It felt a bit lonely not having a few people around to share the beach with us. I swam with my sister and a few friends til our throats hurt with all the salt taken in from the seawater and our eyes were a painful red from diving ridiculously to the ocean bed. My arms and legs were golden and my cheeks were brick red from all the heat. I forgot to re-apply my sunblock so I looked like a tomato and when a cold towel started to hit my face, I think I heard something sizzle due to the heat of my skin.
When we got to Baguio in the late afternoon, I was so tired I slept as soon as I hit the sack. When I woke up, everybody was packing for the early morning at Asin Hot springs in Riverview. We took a 10 am breakfast at my sister’s house in Camp Allen and headed to a thirty-minute drive to Asin Hot Springs. It was a crowded Sunday so I got bummed out because the all the pools seem congested but they cleared when it rained hard, haha, what a funny way to give me room to swim. The pools were really big and it overlooked mountains of wild forests, it was so amazing to just look at it. I didn’t dare to swim in the hot springs. It was freaking hot and steamy! The Lunch table was filled with liempo, tinola, adobo, inihaw na bangus, and ensalada while Theo was busy sucking on a big ripe mango and picked up a meaty liempo bone with his small hands when we weren’t looking.
After a few laps in the pool, we decided to head home early to hear Mass. We had dinner at Don Henrico’s right after and shared a big fudge brownie ala mode to cap our evenings.
This was starting to turn to a wonderful summer spending it with family. It was definitely my Christmas in April. Hope you had yours in grandiose style, too!

my first quarter review and then some.

THE FIRST QUARTER has come to pass in a blur. If I were to do a review of what I did for the first few months of the year, I would have to say “ an impatient road to recovery”, I have blogged a couple of times about my whiny days doing nothing but rest. And if I don’t help myself to get out of this putter, I will do the rest of 2009 with little interaction and a lot of reaction. I am responding well to treatments and medications which is a clear indication of a hopeful future.
Day by day, I am reconnecting with my faith, and slowly talking to the Lord about everything I do and feel. In silence, I listen to Him speak to me. He gave me this time as an opportunity to be able to get to know Him and his ways. My parents, Mama, most specially, remind me to pray and listen to His words. These were days where I meditate on the things done in the past and things I will be able to do soon. Some of us are scared of what the future will bring when we should feel really excited about what God’s plans are for us.
I realize that there will be people who will only like you for a certain time then disappear on you like they never knew you at all. Of course it made me upset in some ways, but that decision was not my choice to make. People we know grow apart with us, sometimes, when the future is too much or too little for them to handle, they tend to let go of your hand and would want to brave the future alone. Through the years, I learned not to be miserable about it, so instead, I pray that they may find the answers to their questions and live a good life to where the roads may take them.
The April month have started, I’ll try to live each day with purpose and appreciation as I have not given it much thought before. I am looking forward to the coming days that I will heal and that life will be better for me and those whose lives I will touch when I come home…

happy kind of tired

I HAD NO CHOICE but to go to Manila and accomplish a few things in which my mom shook her head in disappointment and reminded me that postponing things will just heavy the burden, why oh why did I put it aside?
My brother-in-law H, called me the night before to remind me that he was picking me up at four in the morning. I grumbled heavily as I took a little baby luggage out of my dresser and packed my essentials. In my PJs, I had to say goodbye to Tina online as I prepared a few things before the lazy 6-hour ride to Manila. I made a mental note to remind yaya to find my sunblock when she woke up before I leave.

6am, Tarlac

My eyes peered painfully down the dusty road, the sun wasn't kind as it began to scorch through our skins on the reflective glass. H had to run a few errands down Camp Aquino and the Akon CD started to get to my nerves as it started its third round on the player. Good thing Jerve, H's brother, switched to an Eraserheads CD when he noticed Akon burning our ears. We were headed out to the expressway soon and we were taking our breakfast down there.


11 am, my Apartment
Jerve carried my luggage at the staircase and I took it gladly as he waved goodbye. I looked around the apartment, my brother Sid and my sister Car were at work. I plopped down my unmade bed as I decided to run my errands at 1pm, my head wobbled a bit, I wanted to get some sleep but I reminded myself that I can't delay things anymore and needed it to be done right away besides, I deserved this torture.


3pm, Pasay
I tapped my fingers impatiently as the traffic went from bad to worse. The sun bakes painfully,too! MOA was filled with people taking strolls with a cold drink in their hands. I was parched, but I needed to find an office squeezed between buildings. As soon as I was done with my errand, rush hour was about to begin, so I hurriedly searched for a taxi lane as I desperately swallowed hard to fight my urge to get a curry puff at Old Chang Kee. It was a choice I was making, the sky looked gloomy and I think hard rain was going to fall any minute, so I bade goodbye to my food craving and hailed a very old cab that was waiting for me on the line. I hope the cab gets to Kyusi in one piece.

8pm, the Grill

Grr..Sher! I was waiting for two hours at our watering hole to get a good decent meal and already my energy is beginning to shut down. She came hurriedly and ordered two bottles of beer for her while I fought my weariness throughout my chicken barbecue dinner. Part of me wanted to go home and hide between the covers of my bed but a part of me encouraged me to eat so I could take my medicine. I couldn't remember how Sher dropped me off at my apartment that night because I was sooo tired, what a day!



Saturday

My sister Car had a couple of pizzas and pasta delivered at home. We were just in front of the TV enjoying a beef shawarma pizza and hanging out. We planned to spend the day together, but H called and said we had to leave by 2 pm, bummer! Our plans were cut short as I packed some last minute stuff and waited for H to pick me up. We left Kyusi with boxes of Krispy Kremes and pastries from Breadtalk. It was interesting for me, H and Jerve to have six hours together. We stopped at a few pitstops to buy food, rest a bit and we finally settled at Isdaan in Gerona Tarlac for some major pinoy comfort food fix. The big fish that was a facade of the restaurant gave us an exciting welcome. As we entered the restaurant, several nipa huts afloat the wide river with japanese kois swimming happily underneath it. The staff were dressed in traditional baro and saya, a few musikeros were behind them as they waited for us to be seated. I looked around really excited with my surroundings as bright candles lit up the pathways of bamboo and straws, I looked at the water and the kois were jumping, causing to splash water on us a little bit. Our orders came buko juice, chicken, sinigang na baboy, and pla-pla, while we savored th food and its ambience, lights went off to support Earth Hour, so, although, I couldn't see what I was eating, candles were everywhere to light up the entire restaurant. And the harana was at its most beautiful tune tempting everyone to sing along. I will come back to Manila, tiring trip or not.

here comes..Pizookie!

AN EXCEPTIONAL DINING EXPERIENCE will not be complete without a hands-down, sugar-rush dessert! And here's one more additional yummy dessert in my endless goldmine of yummy foods! Drumroll please... Pizookie!

It's a deep-dish dessert that can come in warm chocolate chip, brownie, chocolate macadamia, apple crisp or peanut butter. Pizookie is coined from the words: "Pizza" and "Cookie". The dessert is served warm then topped with a luscious vanilla bean ice cream. Did I say this is deep-dish? Sink your teeth into this ...

hello, Manila!

I'M PACKING A FEW STUFF to bring to Manila. Me and Sher made arrangements that she would pick me up this Thursday morning. We'll be heading out to St. Luke's for some medicine-shopping, go to the mall and have dinner. I miss Manila despite its scorching weather, some rude cab drivers, and the busy people. I'll be there to visit a few friends, and get some stuff since I'm settling in Baguio while I'm in a rehab program. So excited to see my friends..Charles, Sher and Tina! My brother-in-law, along with his brothers will be bringing the van, so I don't get to worry about the bus anymore. Tina will be making me her version of leche flan, Kapampangan style using duck eggs filtered in katsa and Sher will just get me drunk after dinner for a mini-"welcome,biatch!" party.
My mom allowed me to go just this one time because I begged her for a couple of weeks. So armed with my medicine case, a few clothes, and a little packed strength, I will enjoy the city for all it's worth :)

who I am, for you

BABY, you are growing up fast. Your cheeks seemed to

puff up like popcorn, and your food intake is increasing. I am proud to be your Aunt Lei. One of the people who loves you unconditionally and will help you get through life as an individual. Who I am for you, will be the person that will keep believing in every milestone you will have. I will be there when you have your own puppy and share the joy of having your first toy truck or choo-choo train. I will be there when your Mom seems too difficult to argue with on your first camping trip and will share your first blush of having a school crush. I will be here if you need me to listen to whatever you have to say. Baby, life will be a very long journey for you, but know that, everybody goes through it, but they don't go through life alone, you are no diferent. I am blessed to have entered your life and more than thankful to the Lord, for bringing you in my life. My purpose as an aunt gives me tremendous joy. I look forward to your life's journeys and life's firsts. Right now, enjoy everyday and being everybody's baby. You make this life much sweeter, after all.

the golden glow of summer

GETTING TO BED at 5 in the morning sucks. Maybe because having the graveyard shift all my life rubs so strongly on me. It gets really warm in the late evenings and I would look out the window to see any traces of sunrise for the hope of the north wind to blow its coolness in my room.
Mom is constantly on Skype with my sister, Christine to discuss my parents' plans of going to San Diego in the summer. July is always a favorite month to spend a great vacay in the west coast, I was reading a magazine when I heard my mom called my name, she looked at me and hopefully wished I could come with her and the family to have fun at SeaWorld and Disneyland, but she knew I had to finish my rehab and won't be allowed to travel for the next six months. Did I say it sucked?
This year, had been filled with reunions from friends of 10 years or so, and they'd email me the details a few weeks before the event, which I have to pass up again. A lot of opportunities I have to pass up and sacrifice to prioritize myself for the meantime. Like I mentioned in my early blogs, I get so impatient because I want to do everything at the same time. Especially now, when summer hits and the beach is so tempting to soak up all the salty air, the mushy white sand against my feet and the foamy water as it crashes dramatically against the shoreline. The familiar smell of burnt barbecues and children playing gleefully with their kites, playing tag and etching the wet sand with sticks with funny drawings.
When we were kids, the beach was a weekend thing, the resort was five minutes away from us. Every Sunday morning, my mom and the househelp would fill in a very large wicker basket with a pot of steaming rice, fruits, nuts, granolas, marshmallows, dips, dressings and a neatly-tied bunch of barbecue sticks. An ice chest filled with seafood, hotdogs, and liempo would be tucked away in the car with the basket and a large duffel bag with all our clothes and toiletries. We would rent a cottage for the whole day and swim til we'd get really toasty skin (sunblock wasn't all the rage back then) and tired from all the swimming.
When we moved to Baguio, we missed the accessibility of saltwater and the cool seabreeze. Summer reminds me of memories like these,but I am not wasting this year without a scorcher. We all planned on taking the family for Theo's first summer swim and Porro Point, La Union will be the perfect place to make a set of memories again. Despite my condition, I will try and do a few laps like I used to.
Time to bring out the basket!

my tiramisu weekend...

I CAN DO THIS everyday. But well my body tells me to slow down as I am going through medications. I just looked forward to the weekend with my good friend Rey so we could share a pizza at Don Henrico's. I was only opting for a chicken schnitzel, fries and a slice of pizza. But I have been ordering that for x number of years so it was a Don Henrico's Super Supreme, Bacon Cheese Fries and the Tiramisu that I've been boasting about to Rey. It's a mouthwatering layer of rhum-soaked chiffon cake, chocolate chips, cream cheese, mascarpone and a rich chocolate cream with drizzled chocolate syrup. It's been good seeing Rey after a few months. My friends here in Baguio have been ditching me for quite sometime because they had a lot of things to do on their own.

At least I could swing my way for one last weekend before my chemotherapy starts and I lose a bit of hair, glow, weight and appetite. My friends from all over had been asking, worrying and praying that everything will be okay. But you know, sometimes, for a person like me who goes through a difficult ordeal like this, only wants to have her share of fun never really caring if I needed to be treated special or worried that I'll break like glass.

I'm thankful that I get to go out no matter what and I keep telling Rey not to worry, my body will tell me if I need go home and lie down. So after finishing up with a wonderful meal. We headed to City Lights to meet up with Waynie for after-dinner drinks. We did a few rounds of Vodka Tonic, Kahlua and Bailey's Cream and hammed it up for Rey's camera. After that, we went to a ramshacked carinderia that claims to serve a good round of pigar-pigar (sauteed beef strips with onions) but between you and me, Dagupan Night Market is hands down on this specialty.

When I got home, it made me realize more, how time is so short to even appreciate for some. At this point in my life, I am always thankful for every friend I meet, I never pass up the chance to tell them how special they are and how wonderful they've been all these years or for a certain period of time. I am thankful that I wake up to a new day and share it with the world. We must always remember, that, no matter how other people seem to cramp our style, we all live individually to make a difference in this life and not to hurt each other for our own satisfaction. If you want to have a good life, let them live the good life,too. So I'm sharing a slice of my favorite dessert to let them know how sweet it can be just to be a friend.

click!

I FOUND A YUMMY eyecandy! And no, it's not food. It's the camera I've been dreaming of! My very own Nikon camera! The all-new freshly manufactured Nikon DSLR D-3X just released this January. I just have to have it. I plan to travel a lot during the late part of the year and what better way to document all these with a very reliable buddy. It boasts 24.5 megapixels, this single-lens release has high resolution with shadow detail to control over highlight. I am so excited to take all pictures from the places I will go to and all the food I've been wanting to try. Aside from wanting to be a pediatrician, photography seconds the list. I want to be part of a photography contest someday, but that's a long shot, so I'll stick to this one. My dad has a very old Nikon camera that he keeps in his treasure chest and he relies on the brand for durabilty and quality, so since he shoot good pictures when he was still in Vietnam, I'm trusting the brand to do wonders for my own photos.

Session Road in Bloom - part 2

"UYY, I CAN'T come, really," my heart was crushed when J IM'ed me those words, followed by a text message from Cher that she couldn't come because of schedule conflicts. I logged out of my computer almost instantly to make a few phone calls on cancelling a few activities. I RSVP'ed late and my party of eight shrunk a little to six. I was looking at what to wear in my closet when Jacky called to confirm several times about how many we actually were. The street party will start promptly at 8pm and everybody will be there to see all the happenings in Session. The fireworks display will launch at Burnham Park and it'll be a blast as we all wil expect. I munched on the freshly-baked (and delivered) raisin-bread from Country Club, I was supposed to give it to J as my "Welcome to Baguio" gift and the three-foot cheese bread for Cher is sitting prettily in the fridge. Session looked more like a market rather than a sophisticated party, but tonight, it will definitely transform to a mini Mardi Gras! I will definitely run into people I love, people I don't wanna see and people I am related to, so I'll behave tonight and enjoy the remaining days of the festival. I took my medication obediently so I won't have to be in pain later in the night. Sayang, no alcohol and white sticks for me tonight or ever because my doctor says so. The streamers, blimps, balloons, colorful food are on display in every corner possible. Of course the cute guys will be there, we can spot the locals from the out-of-towners. I'll be logging out now, time to hit the town!

Session Road in bloom - part 1

SESSION ROAD IS so jampacked! The week is in its sweet glory as street vendors line up the two-way street. Me and the girls went to have dinner a few nights ago at North Drive. The chilly Baguio air was just too tempting to smoke a few cigs and drink wine. I didn’t like going out that night as I was too curled up with my food magazines, a cup of hot chocolate and a soft, big-ass bed with my laptop nestled comfortably on the nightstand if I wanted to go online.
But Jackie and Carly persistently wanted the dinner to happen that I was just obliged to go, slightly irritated.
The traffic to Leonard Wood Road was so bad I could have put on my make-up perfectly in slow motion…with eyes closed! As I got to North Drive, I had to make a beeline and find an impatient Carly tapping her white stick as she looked at her watch, when she saw me, her mood magically changed, brows creased were replaced by a camera-ready smile. I haven’t seen her for two years and just like any loving friend the hug welcomed me warmly. I got my social calendar full for the week, it’s insane. But this is what I missed and crave for. The natural adrenaline rush of doing several things until time runs out. Love the feeling! So anyway, I’m coordinating with J if he’s coming (fingers crossed) for the street party by Thursday, I sweetly convinced Sher to come with, too. My friends are preparing to meet J and Sher, I am so excited about this, so I’m taking a mental list of restaurants my girls wanna try. I’m so dying to see J for the first time in months! The street party will be as fabulous with her there. I’ve been hosting for my relatives for quite some time and it would be such a relief to be in the company of friends for a change where I can loosen up and bitch about things. Get ready to have some major fun!

the Fro-Yo Phenomenon

AS A FOODIE, it is with pride to know that Fro-Yo's are the in thing happening right now. Fro-Yos are frozen yogurt for short. My first taste of yogurt resembled a yakult smoothie and I have loved it eversince. It's healthy alternative to ice cream and with the just the right sour tones on the cold creamery, it's so guilt-free! Fro-yo's like Red Mango, FYI, White Hat, Froz, Lulu Belle and the California Berry outdo each other providing great, healthy flavors.It's better than soft serve ice cream, gelato and sherbet! Kudos to Spot for helping us get rave reviews on the craze. Try your very first Fro-yo and save a spoonful for me :)

the Pizza Wars

I WAS HAVING a DVD marathon of Gossip Girl Season 2 last night when I suddenly craved for hand-cut fries and lechon. I was imagining the crunchy, golden brown skin sinking into my teeth as fat dripped down deliciously then marbled at dipping a spud on garlic mayo. I shook my head at the thought. Grease. I cringed slightly. How it made food so appetizingly good. A parade of food rushed to mind and people kept coming up to me to ask what's my ultimate favorite food. My love affair for pizza started as far as I can remember and as a foodie, no matter how far you go with experimenting food, pizza just hit home. I love the smell of freshly-baked bread, sauteed onions and peppers. Here's a list of restaurants outside the country, (across the US in particular) that made pizza a universal comfort food.

Ray's (Queens, NY) - A New York Pizza is known for its paper thin crust, so put-together ingredients such as tomato and mozarella. A typical New Yorker like their pizzas folded like a sandwich and Ray's is one of the city's favorite pizzas and where most people prefer to eat. Using a wood burner burning on cherry and applewood chips as a customer would suspect, the pizza has the right balance of sweet and salty dough.

Frank Pepe's, Sally's (New Haven, CT) also known as "Little Italy", both pizzerias have their own loyal following, as with any New York Pizza, their pizzas vary through flavors of Sausages, Margherita and plain mozarella. They have the same wood brick oven, however, the shape of their pizzas are not the usual circle form, customers would describe this as "amoeba-like" shape,when you enter the store, don't expect them to serve you a knife and fork, the trays come straight from the oven to your tables.

Pizzeria Uno (Chicago, IL) - "Welcome to Uno's, here's a copy of our menu, it takes 45 minutes to an hour for your pizza to be served, so I suggest to take your orders while I get you a table" a redhead smiled warmly as she handed out the yellow cardboard. The Chicago style pizza is normally thick and deep dish. They usually start with a black, round tin pan, dough is brushed with extra virgin olive oil then covered with generous slices of Wisconsin mozarella, topped with mushrooms, and bell peppers, then smothered with tomato sauce.


Malnadi's (Chicago, IL) - Same Chicago deep-dish but the top is layered doubly with dough to ensure nothing slips out of the pie. Locals love their pizzas because they call it the real deal, the flavors are all locked in into a thick pie. Malnadi's boasts of their Chocolate-chip pie dessert. They bake a cookie dough in a pan, and as it warmly bakes, it is topped with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream then topped with a cherry.

Caioiti's (Los Angeles, CA) - A California pizza is well distinguished from the rest of the pizza family. Angelinos like their pizzas gourmet-style. Anything goes! From fresh oysters, goat cheese and pesto, it's called a California Pizza. The owner wanted to make something apart from the ten classic toppings and when he served it, Wolfgang Puck liked it so much, he asked the owner to work for him at Puck's restaurant in Chicago which is Spago. The owner was the one who came up with the single, most duplicated gourmet pizza called Original Barbecue Chicken Pizza from California Pizza Kitchen. They start out with the dough, smothered with barbecue sauce, chicken fillet, cilantro and mozarella cheese.

Nino's Bellissimo (Manhattan, NY) This high upper west end pizzeria sells the most expensive pizza in the world. With $1000 a pie, Manhattan's elite frequents the place to eat the most luscious and rich pizza. It starts off with semolina flour brushed with extra virgin olive oil,smothered with creme fresh, strips of dill and four kinds of the most sophisticated caviar namely: Beluga, Osetra, Caspian Sea and Sevruga then topped with the most fresh thinly-sliced lobster flown in from Maine paired with Crystalle white.

The one that tops my list is any garlic pizza downed with an ice-cold rootbeer. Rootbeer just brings out the flavor of the spices in the pie. You should try it some time :)

much ado about nothing

HAVE YOU TRIED chewing on a frozen Snickers Bar at the middle of the night and watch re-runs and not worry about what tomorrow‘s all about? It just gets worse everyday if you start to feel you’re a certified bum. I will just lose my mind wondering what the world out there has in store for me. Patience. Patience. Patience. After my rehab, I am free as a bird! I have yet to complete several weeks of the program and it doesn’t stop there. I’m running out of books to read, DVDs to watch, and I’ve tried practically everything decorating my apartment…at Yoville!! Sadly, my best friend Melissa, left for Kuwait weeks before I settled here and my close friend Jackie works through the day, so there’s pretty much no one to hang out with here in Baguio, this is where I miss Manila and the complexity of it all.
Panagbenga Festival is a few days shy of the busy preparation in Session Road. I just got off SM Baguio early this afternoon to have lunch alone at Point and Grill, nearly everybody I bump into are running hurriedly off the streets with poles, flowers and tons of light bulbs in their arms. Am I the only one slacking off time?
Against my parents’ wishes, I walked-in an open position at a nearby company, they said I passed the final interview and I can start in a month, among several applicants, I was the only one who passed, ho-hum…nothing impresses me anymore these days. If I had my way, I’d be pleased if they asked me to start in a few hours, but a month!
I’d love to go back to Manila and willingly work as a factory worker, scratch that, glorified factory worker (chuckle chuckle). I am starting to hate my princess-y life here in the mountains. When I wake up, my breakfast is ready, my pantry box is full of everything I love to eat when I want to eat it, all my stuff are alarmingly organized and I have a yaya who comes with me wherever I wish to go. But my brothers and sisters lovingly reminded me that I have all this because I still need all the assistance I can get and not because I was being spoiled rotten. I will be forever thankful to my parents, of course yet I think it’s embarrassing to let people do the normal things other than myself.
I look forward to every weekend, though. When my nephew, Theo visits us, I babysit and playing with him is so much fun! I am keen at his everyday developments and I shower him with kisses. My tutor from Benilde once told me that, if a person is disabled, he gets to appreciate the small things which slowed him down in the first place. This I find so true. I guess the one thing that’s missing with me right now is Patience. I used to have a lot of that with people. But now I don’t seem to have that with myself. Payback’s a bitch…

my lola's 92nd..

I LOVE BLOGGING about family events. I guess, in a way, I wanted to preserve the memories of my support system. When I was at the peak of my career, family reunions leave a bitter aftertaste in my mouth hence, the lame excuses I give are as easy as breathing. Regretfully, I lost ten years in the making for what I realized it to be one of the most precious things in my life. It was just last Christmas that I decided to give family reunions a try and I cried a bit for not knowing my nephews and nieces have grown so much! So I vowed to be at every family event, even at the silliest ones.
February is a grand month for my clan. My grandmother celebrates her birthday lavishly in the mansions. On her 92nd birthday, preparation starts as early as October. It was just last weekend that we all made it happen. We packed lightly and headed to Pangasinan for the two-hour ride. We stopped by San Fabian to get a gallon of nipa vinegar from Daddy’s supplier, just as we were about to pull out of the curve, a few fish vendors flocked around the car to sell their catch for the day. My Dad eyed the three ten-foot cod hanging by its tail, he made the purchase easily since they were fresh catch. We stopped by Dagupan to eat at a stop and checked in at one of the hotels there. We freshened up and headed to Calasiao. As we were nearing the street heading up the mansion, several cars were lined up front. I remembered the sprawling lawn when I was a kid and only a few cars were parked then, but now, almost all my cousins own a car and every year the lawn gets smaller with all the vehicles parked. We were greeted by my nephews and nieces, a few of my cousins were setting up the sound system and installing lights. A few yayas were running around the garden trying to run after the kids. I took a round of kisses to my aunts and uncles who warmly hugged me. The foyer was big and decorated beautifully with streamers, the maids took out plates of colorful food, lechon, sweets and busily counted the silverware. Guests were coming in and there she is, my Lola Osiang, smiling happily at everybody in her wheelchair. She squeezed my hand tightly and pulled me down for a kiss. Her familiar scent of baby powder and red roses hit home. I studied her face carefully and wiped a strand of gray hair out of her face. The lines in her face were visibly creased, boasting of the 92 years she lived by everyday, it was amazing seeing her talk wildly about her experiences, laughed like a kid, with no trace of forgetfulness. She was giddy seeing my dad “My Eddie boy”, she exclaimed lovingly as she planted a kiss on my dad’s forehead, he was her favorite son.
Fireworks cracked into the sky and my lola glowed happily when she saw all of us danced and cheered. We took pictures and took turns honoring our grandmother by giving a speech in front of everybody. When everybody was done, she took the microphone: “ I dreamt of your lolo last night, he said I must see all of you dance because this may be my last birthday, I‘m so happy all of you are here,” she said wistfully. A few hours of fun passed, the party was winding down, but my grandmother was still fully awake to have coffee with her children. They laughed and traveled down memory lane. Me and my cousins stayed in one corner just talking about what we were up to, this night right here, is something worth writing about.

i'm not her

REMEMBER the girl who used to watch your basketball games, hold your water bottle, do your reports, listen to your girl problems, bring you food when you're hungry? Remember her and your endless whine about anything when she would just sigh and wait patiently for you to be in a happy mood? Remember when you would diss her everytime a new girl came along as if she never existed? She didn't really care that people shook their heads in disgust when they thought she was the one constant thing in your life. Remember her sitting in a corner, crying and then shake the sadness all away like nothing happened? All she wanted was for you to see that she was someone who deserves more than what you treated her for. That one someone who will embrace every flaw,who will love every line of your face, who memorized the 12 different smiles you can make and best of all, the one girl who can bring out what's left of you and turn you whole again. She finally gave up and ran away, hoping you could do it on your own.
And then...there you are, trying to find her, making ends meet just to see her again and see the possibilities if there really is something to make her stay.
But that girl, the one you used to take for granted, didn't want to come back. So, please know, don't mistake me for her. Because I'm not her...anymore...

Miss Matchmaker

THAT'S WHAT I CALL myself. I would like to think of it that way. And some of my friends are grateful I am there to do a little rescuing when life seems to bore them.
It started back in college fresh off highschool, my cousin, Sonny, who was a Cadet came with a group of classmates who flocked the house every weekend. We had lady boarders so naturally, I would pair them up to my preference for every ball PMA had. I had to be careful in choosing each partner, though. Physical attraction, as tacky as it may sound, should always be in check. I also interview them first to see for myself how they fair in the dating game and I am keen in identifying personalities to make it a base for meeting people. After a couple of conversations, I then introduce the parties and see how they hit it off. So far, my track record is exceptional. And seeing their friendship evolve into a relationship gives me a natural high.
This year, I fulfilled a good deed for one of my best friends, Tina. I hooked her up with a friend of mine named Zoe. And they are out having drinks as I write this blog. So I give myself a mental pat on the back, they instantly clicked! I wanted to run my talent as a business because I know I would make good money out of it but the joy of playing cupid is priceless more than anything specially if you do it for people who needs to love and be loved. Would you like me to play cupid for you? :)

things I've outgrown.

I DON''T LIKE the rain when I started out in college. Baguio has a very unforgiving weather when May to August months hit. Everybody looks pale like the vampires in Twilight. After class, people would hurriedly make a beeline for their next class in the next neighboring buildings and they grunt unhappily knowing they'd walk over wet, slippery steps,bridges and stairs that weren't architecturally-designed to cover their paths. When it rains, it pierces you like needles and you get so numb that shivering through the cold wishes everybody to go back and crawl to bed covered with their favorite quilts.
But in Manila, rain can be soothing and a welcoming relief in these hot months.I get depressed that there's no sunshine to rule my day. I used to like it when I was a kid, but now I just don't like the pitter-patter or the dampness of even a single raindrop.
I used to love fastfood with ketchup-mustard colored designs and happy mascots that come with it. But when I started working, I get stressed out if I eat a burger and fries since there's no decent meal available (and when I say decent, it has to be a square plate of chicken or pork or fish and sidings with real silver spoon,fork and knife to match)
Junkfood used to be a medium between friends hanging out after school or just munching away and craving for too much salt. But now, my sister Car buys a pack or two everyday and I cringe in disgust. No amount of smell or crunch entice me to join in.
Being temperamental had been destructive for me through the past years. But as I look back this helped me mellowed and be the person I am now. I am more optimistic and serve as a life coach to a few who had been lost in translation for the word (insert fulfilled smiley here).
There will be a lot of things I will outgrow as time goes by, I believe change only winds down when life itself stops. I can go through a hundred different things in one day and be one single unit the next, but the things I will never outgrow is the process of change and how I fully embrace it. My parents would be so proud to be so eloquent describing maturity spontaneously.

half-hearted.

I HAVE THE BEST options possible. Go to Baguio, resume therapy for 3-6 months, enjoy my own computer,tweak Mama's laptop for fun, cuddle up with Theo anytime I want or stay in Manila doing what I want and get medical attention on my own. I just hate adjusting again, and did I mention hating the cold weather as well? My lip-biting moment as I think of everything I have to leave behind.

I'm just under a lot of stress and confusion that any tempting,colorful alcohol will not do. This is where a lush powder blue white-sand beach is helpful to my decision. I'm so confused. This is where I need J the most or Charles even. I value their opinions and I'm sure I'd get a whole lot of it. Today,I've never prayed so hard in my life, it's like leaving someone behind when there's no one to look back to.

back and forth.

I DON'T KNOW how screwed up people can get. No matter how simple things are, they choose to be complicated. Well, five years ago, all that had to happen to me. I like everything simple. From white, vanilla, cheese pizza, no prints, no salt, everything that comes in plain natural form that's what I want.
Ben (name withheld) is a downright jerk from the first time I met him, we became the best of friends and there was something in between I guess. After confronting myself and validating what real feelings lie beneath, I stopped and went away. I cried of course, not seeing him or talking to him for seven months have been hell, but I had to do it..for my own sake.
Then out of nowhere there he is, a few feet away from me, wearing a stupid grin not knowing I was there looking at him, pained.I'm at a very happy place til now. He still has that sugar effect on me and I hate me for indulging into it. I really thought I could escape him but sooner or later I will have to face him for whatever reason.
APRIL 13 marks the day of our meet. After a few fights since he got a hold of me by New Year's eve, we compromised. I still have to figure out how this story will end...