the air up here...

By 2pm,I was done with my training class and I was excited to meet J outside the office. He did promise me months ago he would see me off at the Bus station going to Baguio. I hugged him and he shyly handed me a small,christmas-y gift which I (shyly) thanked him for. We trailed the EDSA traffic for what seemed to be eternity getting to the terminal. As soon as the cab pulled over,I saw my scheduled bus speeding away. So luckily,we rescheduled it after 30 minutes and I bade goodbye to J against the window.

After six hours,a chicharon and a hotdog later,I opened my eyes to find the usual MRT replaced by mountains and a really cold sharp gust of wind. My brother W took my paperbag and we walked happily to the car where Mom and Car waited. They asked me if we were gonna have dinner before heading home but I was just too tired. So they got dinner to go at a nearby Chinese resto and I was glad we were home. I took the familiar scent of wood and freesia of the house and sat comfortable on the couch. We were munching on siopao and dimsum when I decided that I wanted to climb to bed early,so as a reflex I looked for my shoulder bag that had my toothbrush in it. But OMG!!! I left my bag in the bus! Quickly,I pictured what the contents in my bag were and there I mentally scanned for..a toothbrush,a twenty peso bill and my SSS ID..I called the dispatcher's office and they said they got a hold of it...whew!

Tomorrow's another day...party,food and more food. Glad I'm here. Back in my comfort zone

a long December 10 - part 1

December 10 of all the years to come will always be important for the family. It is a longtime tradition of remembering and celebrating a very important event -- my brother's birthday. We're six children and all of our birthdays are special. But what makes my brother's even special than the rest of us? Well, the fact that we forgot his birthday in years past. My parents were in London, and all of us had to be someplace else where it required overnight for schoolwork, my excuse was thesis. Anyway, when we all got together the weekend after my brother's birthday, he reminded us that we forgot and he went out in the night, blew a candle on top of a big mac and cried.
So in the longstanding tradition of this event, we got him his favorite cake on the eve of his birthday. A Coffee Crunch from Red ribbon, Bihon from Lola Helen's, barbecues and sodas. His eyes lit up like a child when he saw the bounty.
After a few days, Cai surprised him with a birthday dinner at the Shang and we had a blast. It was the best dinner we had for some time. Sharing it with my loved ones made it a perfect evening...

the "shoo-in"

I will be posting several blogs today as I've been slacking off for the last week. This one's appropriately titled due to a few silly but wondrous things along the way.
Monday. I entered Company XYZ for a walk-in and tried my luck. The reception area was huge and candy-colored like nursery. I scanned the room to see a lot of applicants dressed to the nines reviewing their CVs and looked at me for a brief second. I sat comfortably on the couch right after signing my name at the receptionist's desk. My hands were cold and clammy from nervousness. I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed. The confidence I had when I rode the cab, flew out of the window but I told myself, it's too late to go home, at least I tried should I fail this one.
My name was called and I was asked to take an accuracy test for dictation and typing, a girl named Keena smiled to calm me down. She said I was only allowed to have two errors on page.So in a matter of minutes, I was typing nervously while listening to the words of the voice-over. The page prompted that I had finished it and a message bubble appeared "10 errors on page"! Dear Lord! I failed. Keena approached me and shook her head apologetically: "I'm sorry but I cannot endorse you to the next step, you may reapply after four months", my heart fell to my shoes but.. as I got up, some sort of miracle happened.. Keena was standing beside me, ready to walk away, but she stayed,and she looked at me firmly, sighing, "Please wait at the lobby.", a glimmer of hope filled my heart but I didn't wanna entertain it because it might be some false hope she was giving out. Nearly all the applicants were done but they came out of the room, disappointed. "Was I the only one Keena believed in?" I muttered to myself.
Keena signaled me to the room and rubbed the mouse gently as she instructed me to re-take the test but this time, 50 wpm goal. Oh wow! I sat there looking at my computer with a vengeance, this time, typing with care ever so slowly and enjoying dictation like it were Typing 101. The verdict: 1 error on page, 53 wpm! Keena smiled triumphantly and said I was ready to take another exam before final interview. So I did my best and aced everything, I think I had my Oprah-Aha! moment when I finally received my job offer.
I texted Tina to say that I won the bet and she was treating me out to dinner. So I waited for her and I wanted to surprise J as well, but he wasn't replying to my messages. Oh well..
Me and Tina settled for Pancake House and she ordered like we didn't for days.. a hefty potato salad starter, chicken, hot roast, tuna mac, buttered toasts, spaghetti and tacos. As if that wasn't enough, we downed glass fulls of iced coffee beverages from Starbucks. I deserve this happy feeling. Thank you, Tina for sharing the joy of believing that I'm the one for the job.

the weekend that was...

Pares

I woke up by the sound of my phone buzzing crazily and I checked who it was "B calling..." it read. I grumpily answered, asking why he called and he said he was gonna make plans for the both of us to have breakfast at Banapple and he was picking me up at the office in half an hour but I fibbed saying I was sick. I smiled thinking of J, I really wanted to meet up with the gang!

So I texted J asking what the plans were gonna be for that morning and I hope Charles tags along he-he, after half an hour, I sat comfortably at a stool in Pares, a favorite hangout and got excited that morning for our Angono trip. One order of siomai later, a box type car pulled up on the resto's driveway and I squinted to see J waving frantically at the backseat with Pechay, Myke, and Meg in tow. J gave me a long hug and said he was really happy to see me. I feel loved! Just a really good saturday fix to see all my closest friends there gave me a natural high. Everybody gathered on the U-bar and noisily ordered breakfast while Cher arrived which made the gang even more crazy.

Left or Right?

Meg was driving and J was navigating where we were supposed to go. But after Meg and her boyfriend had a spat, Meg was too upset to drive that J had to say if we were going left or right at the very last minute. The gang was really noisy that morning, talking about work, the car was literally on prozac with all the 'estrogen' coming out of the group.

Hello,Nanay

I whispered, "Good morning, Nanay" when we got to Angono. J's place is the bomb! Three bedrooms on the second floor, a homey kitchen, a comfy couch on the living room with all the christmas decors made my place looked like a shoebox or a rat house. We all headed to J's room where the little baby dogs greeted us lovingly. Jacko, the shih-tzu, Osis, the black dachshund and Molly, the streetdog who looked more human than Cher followed Myke and J everywhere. So J and discussed what we were going to eat for the whole day and I told him grilled food would be nice to have around the table during drinking spree

Let the pig-out day begin!

Okay, so I went to the kitchen to find J busy cooking pinsec frito dumplings and I helped a little by chopping the onions and tomatoes, he was really busy in the kitchen and Myke had been a sweetheart just asking me what he could get for me. A few minutes later, J gathered everyone on the table and had everyone impressed by the bountiful spread: Roasted Chicken, sodas, sizzling pork teriyaki and pinsec frito. We all had a great time talking about stuff around the table.

As we pat our tummies full, we all went out to have some air and while some of us smoked away, J was dragging out the grill and charcoal, so we could start on the barbecue. This bestfriend of mine never waste time! Being the wonderful host that he already is, he go ask everybody if they were having a good time and he kept saying how he appreciates the bonding moment. Here's the spread of the spree: 8 pitchers of beer, a platter full of fries, liempo, fish and barbecue. Myke keeps checking back with my glass full of soda and ice, yum! I can see J, animatedly telling his stories and happily sipping all the beer that he could muster.

One for the road

By the time night fall, we found Tetay sleeping happily over the couch while Molly barks on his favorite victim, Cher. Myke shared pictures of dogs and tells me how much maintenance they had to go through and it was worth it. Suddenly, Myke tells J that they should be getting on with dinner before everybody goes home. They really made sure the party was all out! So dinner was as splendid as our other eating sessions so, we hurried it up and had Meg hit the gas. We went home finding ourselves horseback riding instead of riding the car because of all the humps we had to go through. Angono was more than worth it. I had a great time and was telling Mama all about it. J and Myke, thanks for hosting a fab party! It was the best. You make good friends and because of your friendship, you make parties like these reach wonderful heights of bonding!

for Meg..

Everyday is a struggle, a work-in-progress. I know that this is hard for you but like I said, it takes baby steps to teach yourself that you can persevere. You have a strong support system, your kids foremost, but no one in this world will get you through your personal battle except yourself.

I see myself in you before..the very person who was weak and breaks everytime there is defeat. We may have lead different lives with a unique line of pattern. But the heartbreak you go through may have been the same pain I went through.

For you, Meg, my dear, a prayer. To teach your heart to be strong and courageous. Know that respect from someone who loves you is rewarding, however, giving due respect to you because you are a woman, is the ultimate gift from a person who values your beauty and sacredness.

Find sacrifice in love..that every tear you shed is a tear that will make you strong and no one will ever pull you down because you have loved so much. You are beautiful and may no person tell you any different.

Forgive what is left of your past and learn that there is no road leading back but moving forward.

Meg, if any guy have wronged you, just think that these are trials to help you know what you're capable of becoming for the future. A good man will treat you right and put you in a pedestal because he knows that you deserve to be there. Be in a happy place where nothing will doubt the love you give and the respect you have earned.

Be strong and hold your head up high, there is a lifetime ahead of you, a life filled with trials and tribulations but remember this is your life, you create memories, you decide on what needs to be done and the only boss of it, is you...

good-luck hunting...

My eyes are strained for five hours from the computer. I've been redirecting my work email to my personal email and a unified password so everything's just one click. Talked to Charles awhile ago, he's one of my good friends who have been really sweet to see if I was okay after what happened. Woke him up to tell him to add me on my new email.

Anyway, there's so much to choose from on the job market, I am carefully analyzing and planning my next step. I deserve a good job after all. I'm not rushing it, but my mind doesn't want me to slow down on this. I just wanna be busy.


Hmmm.. my tummy grumbles angrily at me. I know I ate but when..? Need to close my eyes a few minutes and get something to eat. Need to calm my excitement.

"that's so Lei!"

Somewhere between growing up and moving forward, the most hurtful of experiences come in the most unexpected places. I've checked myself and I'm fine. I guess with all the heartaches and bad news that I've ever had all my life, all it took was a grain of salt.

My weakness, is failure. But I have come to terms with this word and what it embraces. When I was younger, I've dwelled on failures, cried and cried some more, then the hurt lingers. However. I will not yield. Not this time. I won this battle. I won, in a way that I've weathered the storm for this particular "hard time", it was definitely a hard fall but all I had to do was dust myself off, straddle my horse and try again.

Of course I'll miss the people I used to work with, but they're just a phone call away. Maybe this time J will go out of his way to see me. haha!

No bitterness in my heart is there. When I left the room, God held my hand and whispered everything will be okay. And I am.

Thank you for my storm, Dear Lord. It had been the most humbling experience in my life and despite what happened, I will not falter.

growing apart

I spoke with one of my closest friends Liyanne via Facebook and I got the chance to chat with her about our lives today. She's an English Tutor in a Korean School and it came to mind the people that were once part of our lives. I asked her why people, even without issues or qualms can forget friends, was it really because we grew apart? And she said yes. That's how life is. No matter how much you try to keep them together, they will always find ways to meet other friends and stick with them.

Sometimes what we share in the past, is only good enough to stay there. We outgrow things and sadly, we outgrow people. Thankfully, this world is fast-pace and technology makes it easier to track friends from the past and hopefully, invite them to be part of your present. But there will always be people who doesn't want to hold your hand and let them be a part of you any longer, for what reasons? Only they can tell.

An instant message popped up from Liyanne: " I still love you, friend. As I always have."

I smiled, assuring myself, that there are lifetime friends willing to share whatever I have in my plate and what I can be in the future.

I've been considering Yoga as my form of exercise for sometime now. Years ago, my mom enrolled me to a lifetime membership at Gold's gym, I religiously used it at first. But due to a knee accident, I haven't been going to Galleria.

Mama have been into Tai-Chi for years now and she liked it a lot. I used to tell her that I would love to do boxing or at least Capoiera when I had time off from work.

But as I am going through medication for my knee, I have to seek the advice of my doctor if Yoga is good for me. I'll still have to do a research on this . I wish my exercise were as simple as running and climbing trees. That way Yoga would have to be overrated.

how I de-stress

I don't like Mondays, just like any normal working person would. But I've been trying to focus on the obvious - that work needs to get done right away. I should be thankful that my mind is put to good use.

I believe that the way we handle stress is on a to-each-his-own principle. Mine is simple. Maybe because I have been in a supervisory position and I deal with people and their problems everyday, at the end of the day, everything but work is a welcome relief. Here's how I keep things in perspective and in check:

• Although I listen to people, specially J, their problems are their own lookout. I crumple their little squabbles and angst then throw it out the window just like a piece of paper
• What needs to be done today is different from tomorrow's activities
• Clear clutter
• Sleep it off
• Reward self with a sweet
• Spa!

It really depends on a person on how he/she de-stress, but this is my own. And I love it.

will-try. must-have.

I think this is worth a try for the next couple of months. I am definitely bored with the old-hangouts. Must tell Tina and F to try something new and here's what I jot down:

Pasteleria Costa Brava

• Chicken Mushroom Pie
• Nelusko Cake
• Caramel Cake

Mingoy's

• Beef Salpicao
• Gambas Al Ajillo
• Paella Valencia
• Paella Negra

Tokyo Cafe

• Chicken Cheese Rolls
• Wafu Beef
• Mango Chicken Salad
• Hamburg Steak

Mamou

• Fidel's Coconut Custard
• T-bone or USDA Prime Rib-Eye
• Healdburg Harvest

Portico 1771

• Pork Barrel
• Baked Mussels

Mom and Tina's

• Tobelerone Cheesecake

Som's Noodle House

• Red and Green Curry
• Beef and Mushrooms

*will post pictures soon :)

a good vibe

Today, I have closed a total of $1,337.01 from a client! Mental pat on the back. Yahoo.

hello, Saturday!

I cancelled out two dates for the weekend as I have last week, too.
"What is wrong with you?" you might ask. Well, I need to catch up with some of my ME time again. I've been loving it a lot. There are a lot of dates to re-schedule, so I'm not worried.
So, hello Saturday, I know you miss me. Time for spring cleaning!

Need to pack all clothes Car stocked up in the corner for several months and give it to a nearby church. My cabinet filled with all the books need some clearing space, too. I know I'll miss my Enid Blytons and Harry Potter books but the children at GCIM have better imagination of magic, gnomes, elves and fairies than I'll ever have. They deserve the chance that I had reading these wonderful books. My magazines that I have been setting aside for good recipe references need to go too. There'll be better recipes in the latest food magazines and webbies. I will also have to let go of my favorite clothes (sniff-sniff), I keep telling myself that there will always be something better to lookout for and giving it to people who need it more is an amazing feeling.

I also promised my brother that we'd hit one of our favorite restos for dinner as he is loving one of the juiciest steaks there. I'll have to text Arn and Car if they'd like to join us.

I have to finish my christmas list and compare gift items online and also at the mall. I have several Multiply sites that I know of who offers a fabulous line of gift ideas. My friend Donna gave me a wonderful chocolate lotion when she shopped online last christmas.

The thing is, I'm worried that shopping online might be a cause of delay on giving my gifts at christmas time. My Kuya constantly remind me (since August) to shop early so by December, all we had to do was deliver the gifts and avoid the christmas rush. Among the six of us, I'm the only who lacks preparation in preparing gifts because I like buying things by the bulk. If my brother knew, he will shake his head in disappointment as well as mom.

After tomorrow night's dinner, I'll be catching up on my favorite episodes online on Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill, this will have to be an all-nighter!

a Flogger's confession...

I am looking at my To-Do calendar right now and I still don't have anything planned for our Christmas Dinner.

Every year, my family looks forward to Christmas specially the dinner that I lovingly prepare for them. My specialties have always been stellar to them. But I was leaning on to try different dishes as this give them an opportunity to embrace new favorites for the family menu.

I'm thinking if I could do a soup-salad combination which is in favor to my mom as she always promotes healthy eating in the family but 'tis the season not to think about Lent since we're all about the Yuletide ha-ha! This season is also where the pigs and chickens die a happy death so we could savor their flavors from fat to bone.

So, back to the drawing board...Hmmm, maybe I'll do Chicken Pandan Rolls, definitely no pasta or noodles. Can I cheat on a Mama Peredo's Chicken Potato Pie? and I'll tweak my Sweet and Sticky Ribs from Nigella Lawson's recipe by adding nutmeg or pepper rub or a really good beer to tenderize the meat and reach its full flavor. I've done this for two holidays and oh, well! I still rule the kitchen and then followed by a Curly Flat Chardonnay (1999) or a Valentini Cerasulo (2002)

I honestly don't know what to do if Car decides to bring salmon, she pleases mom and dad to the nines with this cute tactic. Perhaps a coriander pesto to go with this?

plan. plan. plan. whew!

Orange-brick House

I grew up in a noisy household in a brood of six kids, my parents, four yayas, two househelp, two dogs, and an Orange-brick house. Oh.. I forgot to mention my seven cousins who lived next door :)

As far as I can remember, our mornings would start really early when almost all our cousins are out doing their chores and they'd knock to wake us up. We would run around the house and play all the games we could think of. I'd remember we had a vast piece of land in the backyard called Alog (pronounced Ah-log) where mango trees and nearly hundreds of plants grew and we ran and climb trees til our arms and knees had scrapes. We would chase after dragonflies, and other things we find amusing that crawl or fly or run around the Alog and we would poke their butts thinking these poor creatures were getting tickled.

My Yaya Merlie would stick her tongue out whenever I begged for food out of the high cupboard. I keep begging her to reach for a bag of cookies for me but she would not, I got even with her by calling the funeral home and ordering a coffin for her to be delivered at home with her name across the silk sash on the coffee brown casket. Yaya Merlie cried to Mama that day when she saw a hearse pulling up on the driveway. I was four years old.

During those days, my Lolo Andring (who was the second cousin of my Lola Juana) would come to visit and check on us. I stirred up a conversation with him while he waited for Mama to come home. I told him his hair was growing long and he needed a haircut real bad. His barbero was out of town and I offered to cut his hair, without any hesitation, he told me to get my scissors. I happily sat him on my little chair, and prepared what I knew was meant for cutting hair: shears, a makeshift bib and a sprayer that I got from the garden. I nervously placed an aluminum bowl upside down on the top of his head, I sprayed and snipped until my lolo looked like a coconut husk! My mom was furious with me but my lolo said there was no need to punish me because he liked the haircut so much, he came back twice and gave me all his coins.

My dad came home one day announcing we were moving to Baguio in two weeks. My brothers and sisters were both happy and a bit sad at that time. New place, new friends to make, new life. It was difficult at first because there was so much history and I did not readily embrace change. What do I know? I was just a kid, living by the moment.

Looking back now, I am thankful of the childhood I had, I was one of the blessed people to have experience such joy and overwhelming love by the people around me. I am always praying that children right now will experience a similar happy childhood to preserve the remarkable years of innocence and learning in their youth as I have. I believe that every memory, belief and lesson learned shape the very essence of a person, dear readers. It gently reminds us that life can be so simple after all.

to the boy who broke my heart.

To try to take four years of my life –- step back, examine it, condense it, try to make you understand how I felt, how much you and I were as one seems almost disrespectful. It reminds me of how a blind person would feel when someone tries to explain to them the concept of colors.It's out of your league. You will never know. But for the sake of everything, I will try.

Four years... you used to say. Yeah, four years. I keep telling myself that. At this point in my life, I would say, it was a waste (sans the bitterness). Instead of seeing myself grow maturely, I had let you grow selfishly, thinking YOU were the only person who mattered and not me. Our friendship had seen neither black nor white but always shades of gray. I will not go through the hard times we had, for it will only dampen what's left of us.
I will however, look back at what you made me today and what I will never be for you. I didn't know how alive I can be, that I am capable of knowing the best. I am still looking into forgiving myself on why I ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN instead of linger on what used to be. I left you because I didn't know who I was anymore. I gave and you took and you keep taking.

This toxic twisted thing between us is so over and this game is getting old. Deep in my heart, I know I will NOT come back to you, as I'm dealing with my own personal pains filtering what's worth fighting for. If we change for the better or for the worse, only time will tell. But I also believe that things will get better through time between the both of us.

Thank you for breaking my heart then, as I am breaking your heart now.
by this time, you got this all figured out.

Finally, it's balls on my court...

my Homecoming

CeeCee was a little upset with a tiny loose thread for our homecoming this December. I can sense she was both excited and exhausted keeping up with the forum chats and making sure the website is updated for all our batchmates. We're making sure everybody rides the train before it blows its final whistle at the end of the month. I made sure this was part of my itenerary as I am looking forward to party with the girls..I'm also sure my former classmates will be snipped, curled, blown and polished for the big day. Saint Louis Girls' High was my Alma Mater and when I graduated 6th grade, I was pretty flattered that I was part of the 300+ girls whose hopes and dreams will be realized someday.

My school did not crave for the high-end glamour and sophistication others thought of. Our school taught us well and our teachers made sure that despite of the mischievous rants, rambles and antics we had, we were still kids learning to be grown-ups in the grand scheme of things.

I remembered we try to lobby for a Highschool Prom to happen between Girls'High and Boys' High but it never materialized because our school was run by sisters and they wanted us to be sustained from social events with the boys. I have the fondest memories of all of my classmates who turned from girls to women and have realized their dreams from early on. I take pride in knowing that our schools had no dropouts. Everybody stuck it through four years before finally deciding if they were meant to pursue and go on to college.

I have obtained a copy of the first page from my highschool yearbook as you can see above, and NO, to answer the question that boggles your minds, dear readers, the yearbook is at default black-and-white, it did not simply fade through time, otherwise, I would have been very old in my deathbed.

I studied my closet to see what I could wear for the homecoming and sighed. There is nothing in there that will make me stand out of the crowd. It doesn't really matter whatever I flaunt, as long as it's elegant and confident. The best accessory I will wear is a smile on my face to get me through 300 plus girls waiting to share the story of their lives...

29 things that tell my utmost cravings, cringes and anything in between

I just had to make a list of things I consider comfort and uncomforting...

1. I don't like it when people pick from my plate,that's why I order something extra of what I have, so they'd lung for it instead


2. I cringe when my sister watches TV shows that involve bone cracks,oozing blood or chaos


3. I have this habit of eating cracker nuts by eating the shell and not the peanut


4. I binge on sugar. From white toblerones, or any milk pastries


5. I never liked corned beef,foie gras,dinuguan,tomato sauce, pasta or tomato-based dishes
6. I cannot write documents unless it's a Pilot G-Tech 0.3 in black and Mongol Pencil #2 that's freshly sharpened.
7. I nest when I had a bad day or when I'm simply sad
8. I hardly plan my own social events, they just happen when I want them to
9. I insanely crave for top-of-the-line gadgets at certain times of the year, either I buy them or wait for my infatuation to fizz out.
10. I detest people who say things on my behalf even if I didn't say it, it dampens my relationship with them
11. I have a lot of cheap thrills such as reading a good tear-jerker book and eating a white cheese Sbarro.
12. My idea of a good vacay is spending it with my family for three days in a beach
13. I have yet to forgive myself for gaining pounds and rewarding myself too much when I lose a few
14. I still convince myself that chivalry is not dead
15. Nothing gets me on a natural high like Theo's smiles, a good thing or two to learn, a romantic idea or my favorite sweets
16. I love to read Food blogs of Spot (my guide to the Metro's best hangout), Margaux Salcedo (the foodie who convinces me there is so much to try for the adventurous palate) and one of Singapore's best restaurateur/hotelier (the wine pairings with Singapore's food goldmine is simply exquisite)
17. I would love to bring Pachabell Cannon in D Major to life by a piano piece. The Ultimate classic dream!
18. I do not appreciate feeling shortchanged in a restaurant, be it service, food or the littlest demands I have when I take the place of a customer
19. A Macbook Pro will skyrocket my happiness for a longtime
20. I don't like it when people belly scratch, pick their nose or burp in front of me.
21. I am very particular when people speak, I can pick out what they mean when they can't say it
22. My memory is sharp on things that are exactly said and done.
23. When I have "me" time, I stay quiet and let my mind stay blank as a way of de-stressing
24. I psychoanalyze people
25. In situations that I find I'm at dead-end, my mind is fast in getting me out in the nick of time
26. I can laugh at my own silliness like I laugh at someone else's
27. I do not find remorse in any of my spending, because to spend money is to have money and to have money is to earn money, and boy, do I earn it well!
28. I like my favorite fruit..Unripe Mangoes with rock salt
29. I can say the most nonsensical thing and someone still listens

the most beautiful person in the world.

When I was a child, I remember this beautiful woman with long black hair and angelic smile, me and my other siblings call her fondly: "Mama" , she was the one constant person (aside from my Dad) who saw all six of us grow up in the best and worst ways possible. She won a beauty queen title and she never makes us forget whenever she cups our faces gently to let us know that our charm came from her and not Dad's.

As I am naturally biased to say that she is the most beautiful person in the world, so is the rest of you who have mothers loving unconditionally and sacrificed so much. To a mother who goes through a lot with just one child, my mother has six times that.

Mama is always conservative, graceful, calm during shaky situations and she always made sure that "No" is No. It was all hardwork.

Through the years, as we graduated college, we went our separate ways. Mama always missed us and she felt giddy and happy for every hug and kiss and lambing that we would give her. She would take the 7-hour ride for a short weekend to make sure we get together for dinner and catch up with our stories about jobs, lovelife and everything in between. We grew up learning that Mom have evolved beautifully through time. And her love strengthens the six of us plus one (who is my nephew Theo). I can say that she is more laidback than before, enjoying everyday knowing that the family is growing and there is so much love to give to all of us.

I love everyday believing and thanking God that she gave me a mother like her and I am truly blessed to have the most beautiful person in the world.

my sweetest chapters

My sweetest chapters
In my life, I look back at certain chapters where I am at my happiest. When I remember these things, I feel that, at one time in my life, I've been the star of my own show..

Chapter 1 - meeting R
R was a cadet, I met him one sunny morning in Camp John Hay where cadets and foster families get together for a Sunday picnic. He was peeling a banana and I giggled. R smiled at me and we started to talk. He didn't know who I was with and we didn't exchange numbers at that time because my family and I had to leave immediately.

There was a ball at the Convention Center the week after that, and from where I was sitting, I could see him trying to find me. After everybody had gone home, he took my hand and we talked for a bit. He looked at me and we knew this was gonna last. He sent me flowers on Valentines day, 10 days after we met, and he said that he liked me. Months after pursuing me, I decided to take a chance at love and said "Yes" on..

Chapter 2: My Eighteenth Birthday
Everybody who I knew was there. My mom and dad knew this was the gift I wanted, to have all my friends gather in one place and savor the moment that it was my day and to celebrate my existence. I looked at R at the end of the room and he was anxious to see what this day will turn out to be for the both of us. As a cadet, he had a serial number, R knew that his serial number coincides with the date I said yes to being a couple. He hugged me so tight and never wanted to let me go, the feeling was amazing on loving someone and being loved.

Chapter 3: "She's pregnant.."
I pulled my hand away when he said those words quietly. After years of having him, it was time to let go, I know there were bigger things meant for me, and R was not part of it anymore. It became clear to me, that I can cry inspite of the happiness I thought my life laid out for me. I started to learn that this chapter was just one of the many trials I had to go through and it shook my relationship with the Lord. There was a point in my life where he couldn't let go even if I shut the door in his face. He realized in the end that I was the one who he wished he had fought for all these years. But I realize that there is no one in my life who is constant except my faith in God.

Chapter 4: My promotion
I deserved to be here. To be at the level where I have worked so hard for. My co-workers have been so happy for me and taking the stage to acknowledge me in a higher position with the most defeaning roar of claps made my achievement even more victorious.

Chapter 5: When I met Ben
This is my most favorite chapter of all. I will not share all the details in this as I'm still going through alot with him as of this writing. But this I will write...We were enemies at the office then we started being friends and we have evolved to be the best of friends.I came to learn to let go and give him wings to fly. I know he's happy with all the things he is blessed with. I just finally decided I did not want to be part of the world he choose to dream in. For I had my own world to think about and in mine, I have yet to find my happy ending.

Although the "me" part was not that established yet, I am hopeful that my decisions will prove to be promising in the next days and even for the rest of my life. I know there will be more chapters in my life that I can truly pick up the pieces and learn from and I also know I have a strong support system to pull me gently to the ground once I try to fly away and escape from everything else. In my life, I am the lead actor and I tell the actors their cue. I have grown so much to realize that the time has come to continue the process of moving up and moving forward. And that time is now...

the weekend that was..

I didn't get any work done last Friday because my computer was down the whole day. It was boring not getting anything productive, I feel I didn't deserve to log out to enjoy the weekend.

Me, J and my brother went to 2oth avenue to get some breakfast at Pares. We were like hungry construction workers wolfing down fried eggs, beef brisket, lumpiang shanghai, fried rice and slurping our soup happily. J kept looking at his celfone in between mouthfuls and I was worried that it was Myke's moodswings again that makes him sad. I will have to text him later that day to see how he was doing.

My mom excitedly opened the door to greet us. She was insisting that we all have breakfast together and catch up on things. But I had to lie down and told her, we will have to join her malling that afternoon at Gateway. She took out her new celfone and bragged about the pictures she had with Theo, she was happy with the new phone she bought as the last one have been too techy for her.

I drifted off to sleep and woke up to my now-defective alarm clock 7'oclock, it said. I knocked on my brother's room to wake him up because we were joining my parents for dinner. I felt guilty not waking up late that afternoon to join her at the mall.
I texted Cai for meet-up that evening and we decided to have dinner at Seafood Island. We were very noisy like kids and dad just sipped his beer quietly while listening to our conversation. Our dinner came, which consist of: tokwa't tawilis,kalkag rice,oysters rockefeller,pinakbet,salted lechon kawali,sisig, and ginataang kuhol.

Kuya was so full that after getting the tab, he wanted to walk around the block. Cai and Mama decided to get some Krispy Kremes while Me and Dad went home. Everybody enjoyed dinner and my parents had to leave Manila by 11pm,we urged them to stay but they had a lot of things to do come Sunday.
Can't wait to see them again!

pig-out Fridays

I both hate and love "Pig-out" Fridays. It's meant to be called that way because paydays are every other friday and people like me feel that, even for a day, I can splurge with any food that I like most specially when it's agreed on with friends.

One of my co-workers, Tetay decided to buy us brunch today because she got lucky with her pay. So me, Pechay and J happily obliged as we originally planned on doing the most damage at Oyster Boy. Unfortunately, Oyster Boy was still closed, so Seafood Island was an immediate shoo-in for our preferred hang-out.

With Tetay's laptop in tow, we took our seats and scanned their old menus. Our poison of choice? we ordered the :

Bento Boodle

tuna sashimi, tofu nuggets, miso soup, salmon belly teriyaki, crab tempura, beef yakiniku, pork tonkatsu, chicken teriyaki, sauteed vegetables, japanese fried rice


As J poured out stories of his past (to which I will not discuss in this blog due to its mature content), we yummily dug in our grub and intently listened to him. Tetay on the other hand took in a few mouthfuls and attended to her laptop while listening to J. As I sip into my juice, I remember L who was suppose to pick me up for brunch that day and we did make plans days ago on this as our schedules conflict other days. My phone vibrated a few minutes later with L reminding me that she was on her way to pick me up.

I finished my share of food and said my goodbyes to the group. L picked me up looking really hungry and feeling crappy. "Uh-oh" I said to myself, I rubbed my tummy apologetically giving myself a mental note that I will need to eat again but this time, slowly so L won't suspect a thing and that my appetite did not shift to supermodel mode.

We went to Wilson in San Juan where Everything At Steak was. We both ordered T-bone steaks, mashed potatoes and red iced tea. It took us an hour to chew our food and catch up on things. Then just when I was about to wave the white flag that I was full. My eye caught a speech bubble written attractively across the menu saying: "Free SoftServ Ice cream for every meal"...I rolled my eyes giving up reminding myself that Ice cream melts and it will not even reach the digestion process.

I reported for work that night feeling so guilty about what I ate, then Philly asked me if we could eat at the cafeteria together, my brain did a mental check again, but I atea chicken sandwich and a revel bar, in addition I asked J to buy me a Wendy's Iced Tea biggie while I started on a pack of Buttered-flavor Nagaraya.

I will have to drink water for the rest of next week with no food..oh! the drama!

the Christmas that will be.

I am praying that this Christmas won't be like the one I had last year. So this year, I will plan this carefully and I will be a little selfish with my time just to spend it with my family. I owe this break and I am allowed to have an adult-reasonable curfew when I am out partying with my friends.

I am excited to shower my nephew, Theo with kisses. So is my brother, who haven't seen him since my sister Ann gave birth last July. I am addicted to my nephew like white chocolate. I am absolutely smitten by him!

I haven't really been looking into having children of my own..not yet. I started out late with my dreams and I'm still heading to that direction. Theo is my constant reminder that someday, I would like to have one. I would like to set up a trust fund for him so that when he grows up, his parents will not worry about a dime.

I checked my calendar availability, itenerary, stuff to bring and of course, christmas gifts, so for at least a week and a half, I can forget that Manila exists and I can get lost in my own little Baguio.

My best friends Missy and Jackie will set up our usual coffee talks at my favorite hangouts City Lights and Kafe Klutch, they are tucked away comfortably from the busy streetlights of Session Road and so I won't be bumping into some people I know when I'm half-drunk and laughing my a** off when Jackie cracks her share of jokes.

Looking forward to my favorite hobby: Food trip.

O' Mai Khan (best Mongolian cuisine ever!), my family frequents the place at any occassion and my favorite governess of the house Manang Dolor would greet me as I approach the entrance of the restaurant. She is very attentive to my family's needs and we always have someone on stand-by for every demand on sauce, napkins or chopsticks.

Most of their meals are garlic-based and spicy on the palate. Conqueror's Meal is their version of Crispy Pata, very tender to the bite and flavorful with a garlic bits. My mom's favorite is the mongolian barbecue, a smorgasboard of vegetables cooked to her liking with endless supply of oils and sauces. Their Lemon Chicken is the real deal! The quarter chicken is deep fried to perfection then the lemon sauce has a balance of the right tart and sweetness.

As the meal comes to a close, my Manang Dolor makes it a habit to tell her staff to wheeze a dessert cart filled with cheesecakes, chocolate domes and fruit cups beside our table, mom shakes her head disapprovingly as we hoard the cart and happily pig out the sugar madness!

Tea House I don't appreciate pasta at all, but I love noodles like Palabok. I heart this dish since as far as I can remember and Tea House has the best palabok with overflowing aligue (crab fat) sauce, tinapa (smoked fish) , tofu and pork cracklings.

The daughter of the owner, Pia, was my classmate in college and whenever I visit the place, she would ask the waiter to bring me a big complimentary bowl of Chona's Delight (resembles a Mississippi Mud Pie),sink your teeth into a light sponge chocolate cake drizzled with fudge and clotted cream.

Rito's Bulalo Everybody knows Baguio City houses PMA and a lot of cadets visit this place during pig-out weekends. I am living proof of this (chuckles) as my foster brothers would order bowls of Bulalo that has rich, buttery bone marrow then constantly dipped in patis, calamansi and sili.

Sylvia's This is near Saint Louis University, after class, we would empty our pockets for merienda and feast on native corn on the cob with butter and turon. Their Turon is usually large with strips of langka in the middle. This crunchy sweet is so addictively good that students would line up for hours just to get their sugar fix for the day.

Mama Peredo's Thank you Jenny for introducing me to a newfound love - Chicken Potato Pie, hands down for the creamy and cheesy concoction that this local bakeshop offer. It resembles a smooth and silky version of mashed potatoes mixed with sharp cheddar cheese, rosemary and spicy pepper chicken mix. I know my way around the kitchen and I have this knack on identifying some of the flavors thrown in to a really good food turned into a goldmine.

Baguio is such a wonderful place to come home to. Christmas won't be the same if it doesn't happen in the cold.

I will make everything happen on my Christmas break, and this is with the help of my friends and family. Break out the fine china and pop out the cork on my pink champagne. This princess is coming home...

June in December...

Two days before Christmas, I busily packed my things at the office, and hurriedly stuffed my big paper bag with gifts my agents gave me. I checked my watch and my bus was scheduled to leave three hours from now. I will be spending a week-long Christmas vacation in Baguio.

As I began to log off my computer, one of my co-workers V approached me and said: "June died.." her voice trailed off. Instantly, my world fell apart, I sat there for hours contacting friends telling the news that he have been on a motorbike accident that early morning and he did not survive the crash, I stared at the carpet shaking. I remembered June inviting me the day before with his teammates on a drinking spree but I declined the offer because I was needed someplace.

June was always the agent who came in late, often giving me an apologetic look as he logs in for calls. He was always sweet like a little brother asking me anything specially about his job. He would make me laugh and he'd always get my little stuffed toy off my computer so that he could play with it.

I called my mom telling her that I couldn't make it for Christmas. I mourned deeply for June's loss and I was depressed for days. It was the worst Christmas I had spending it with a block of ham and looking at the colorful parols hanging on the outside the streets in Manila.

After a few days, I went to his wake and June's mother held my hand tight as tears streamed down her face. June had that impact on me. He gave me strength and meaning to my leadership and I treated him as a friend. My team was my second family and looking after them was my pride and joy.

I have learned to grieve for a loved one in the worst way I know. I forgot how it was to exist in this world and that days would not stop if I had let my own life to rot. Slowly, I noticed that the sun seemed brighter than the usual and I started coming out of my shell, I will always love my June and I know he would have been happier if I let his memory go and enjoy life everyday. After his death, I came to know the good in everybody, that no matter how bad they can be, there is that genuine part of them that they will share to their closest circles. I learned that everyday is different than the rest and what I have done will be part of what I have become - I may not be able to go back to the past, but I still have a chance to make up for it. Chances are endless and treat one as if it is your last. That's why I am here - to make a difference.

Thank you, June. For coming to my life and for making it matter. You gave me reason to think that there is so much love to give as I have for you...

monday blah

Although this morning had been a wonderful start of the week (because B had been texting me nonstop today), work just drags me by lazily. My mind wanders to what I should get my family for christmas. Then I am (dreamily) wanting to be Kristine on Phantom of the Opera for our Office Christmas Party.

I talked to my good friend CeeCee via IM, and we've been reminscing about our Coney Island days in Baguio. After class, we would buy ourselves eskimo rolls at Coney Island in Session Road and buy colored cotton candies specially during Fridays after class.

I've been through a lot with CeeCee and she taught me wonderful things and welcomed me as a friend when my family moved to Baguio City. Even as kids, we knew that life would never be an easy road for all of us.

It was last July 16, 1990: the earthquake struck Baguio and the world stopped. The apartment that me and my family lived in had uncertain cracks everytime the earth shook. And near the apartment was a junkyard filled with really old cars. We would squeeze ourselves in a van and sleep when night fall. Those were hard and trying times for us and for Baguio. CeeCee and I shook at the horrid thought. We lost teachers and loved ones. The only thing that we did as a city was to move forward and rebuild our lives.

As I write this post, I shake my head, thankful that I am alive to this very day and to experience life's ups and downs. Then I sigh, thinking this is the hundred plus mondays that I will go through...

a little piece of chocolate

Whenever my Aunt Fely would come home from London, she bought us boxes of chocolates wrapped in pretty gold and red tin cans. It came with a moist-proof leaflet with pictures of the little chocolates and its flavors. But being the most impatient person to wait on specially sweets, I took one pretty little shell-shaped chocolate and popped it in my mouth. I threw it up easily as I had popped it in, the syrup poured out hurriedly and I tasted a bit of rhum or was that cognac?

My mom always tell me to take my time and choose what I want in a lot of things. But I hardly listen to her. Sure, I can wait in line for a few hours til I could finally get my class cards for my college enrollment or sure I can wait for a few extra minutes til my favorite food is cooked to my liking but what she really meant was having to decide on my own without being hasty.

My bad decisions pulled an overwhelming mix of heartbreak, confusion, anticipation, hurt and grief. It even involved a lot of people that I dearly love including my parents. But that's what being an adult is for. I thought parents will always be responsible for all the faults I did. But one way or another, growing up has to take place in the most unexpected turn of events.

But now I know how the game is played. I have learned that taking things slow is as beautiful as enjoying life. One little piece of chocolate at a time :)

moving House

I am finally moving to my new home - Blogspot! I had several journals lying around for the past few years and I needed something that I would be comfortable having all my blogs sitting pretty, having tea time, basking away for my future readers to chance upon (insert confident smiley here)
I call it "My Shoebox Journals" because since I was in grade school, I keep notes, letters, pictures and excerpts from things I learned from. These precious things are kept in the most unfashionable shoebox that I could find and when I feel empty, I go through them and I would feel so loved all over again.
This goes out to all those whose hopes and dreams are kept stacked in a box and waiting for it to burst open by eagerness and courage. These are the things in my life that will keep me grounded for as long as I can remember.
My shoe box is officially open...